Happy Cupcake Adventure! - A Choose Your Own Adventure Thing

MadBill · Post by **MadBill** » Sun Jul 11, 2010 3:55 pm

It is a good thing it is getting cold, because the cold makes you stronger. Remember that skiing accident you were in shortly after getting your bionic legs? The one that gave you an affinity for cold instead of killing you?
You flex your cold enhanced muscles and shatter the chair into a deadly storm of wood splinters.

Post by **Retlaw83** » Sun Jul 11, 2010 11:39 pm

Then you achieve a raging boner with the intent to use it to club to death any seals that stand in your way.

MR Snake · Post by **MR Snake** » Mon Jul 12, 2010 6:54 pm

Retlaw83 wrote:Then you achieve a raging boner with the intent to use it to club to death any seals that stand in your way.

Is that the creative writing you spent years on with mommies street corner money to learn?

hah

Taco-Hero · Post by **Taco-Hero** » Mon Jul 12, 2010 9:19 pm

With your newly-achieved strength and boner you are now confident that you will escape. You see the other seal curled up in the corner and beat the shit out of him with you over-sized boner. "Hey! What the fuck are you doing?!" The seal screams. You stand back. The seal is the one that threatened to torture you when you were kidnapped from before. He says that he was thrown in there because of your escape. He breaks off a giant icicle that was hanging from the ceiling of the cell. He runs toward you with the icicle but before he gets close to you, you stab him in the mouth with your boner. You slide his corpse of your enormous cock.

Meanwhile the seals in the torture chamber overhear the stuff that is happening in your cell and are coming over to see what the hell is going on.

What do you do?

Post by **Retlaw83** » Tue Jul 13, 2010 1:44 am

Threaten them with the same.

Burning Oasis · Post by **Burning Oasis** » Tue Jul 13, 2010 8:58 am

Thump him with a Bible.

rad resistance · Post by **rad resistance** » Wed Jul 14, 2010 4:46 am

Pull a lead pipe out of your ass and go Canadian all over their asses.

Taco-Hero · Post by **Taco-Hero** » Sat Jul 17, 2010 10:01 pm

You engage in a pretty brutal battle involving your dick, a bible, a couple of seals and lead pipe combat of the Canadian nature. You kill them and steal one of their harpoon guns. You piss all over the cell wall leading to the outside wall with your acidic urine and make your escape. You run around the giant igloo. You go around and finally see the helicopter in the distance. But you see two seals hanging out inside of it. You're afraid that if you get too close they'll fly off or some shit like that. You're also considering going back into the hideout and kicking some silly seal ass.

MadBill · Post by **MadBill** » Sun Jul 18, 2010 2:05 am

Go back into the igloo and kick some silly seal ass. This is the obvious choice of champions.
However, you decide to be stealthy, just to mix it up a bit.

Taco-Hero · Post by **Taco-Hero** » Thu Jul 22, 2010 9:18 pm

You head toward the entrance of the igloo. You sneak up behind one of the guard's heads and snap his neck. The other guard turns to you but before he could do anything you thump him in the head with your Bible. +3 God Warrior points for you.

You sneak through the main entrance. You hide behind a pile of rotten fish. There are three silly seals sitting at a table playing dominos. You toss the fish over them. Just as you suspected they go after the flailing fish and fight over it. They all kill each other trying to eat the fish. The fish remains flopping around on the snow. Amazing how the fucker is still alive.

You slowly go down the steps. Just up ahead you see the door blocking your way to the main chamber where the ritual is being held. The door remains surprisingly unguarded. You step forward toward the door. But all of the sudden some crazy seal twice your size jumps in front of you with a katana. He obviously wants to fight you.

What do you do?

MadBill · Post by **MadBill** » Fri Jul 23, 2010 12:38 am

Scream and leap. The silly seal stands no chance.

rad resistance · Post by **rad resistance** » Fri Jul 23, 2010 1:46 am

Pull out your dick.

Post by **Retlaw83** » Fri Jul 23, 2010 3:05 am

Use your inhumanly strong wang to engage in a sword fight.

rad resistance · Post by **rad resistance** » Fri Jul 23, 2010 6:43 am

Dip it in naplam before engaging in the fight.

Taco-Hero · Post by **Taco-Hero** » Fri Jul 23, 2010 7:29 pm

The silly seal stares you down. He swings his blade around, a true virtuso of the bladed arts. You are almost encumbered by his immense skill until you realize that you have a weapon even greater than a fancy sword. You scream and leap on top of the silly seal. He drops the katana and lands on his back. You dig you knees into his chest. You stare at him with maddening eyes as you pull out your throbbing wang and dip it into some napalm that you found somewhere before. Despite the seal's disadvantage, the seal tries to grab the katana nearby. You begin bashing the seal in the head with your enormous cock. But before you could react, a harpoon shoots right by your head and impales itself into the wall in front of you. You turn around and see a pretty pissed-off seal with a harpoon gun. Suddenly the silly seal underneath you pushes you into the air. He grabs his katana. You land on the floor, surrounded by now a mob of silly seals. Can your dick handle the vices of battle?

What do you do?

rad resistance · Post by **rad resistance** » Fri Jul 23, 2010 7:58 pm

Use your dick as a flamethrower.

Taco-Hero · Post by **Taco-Hero** » Fri Jul 23, 2010 10:40 pm

Your dick starts to turn red. The silly seals begin to draw closer. This is your only chance. You pull up your dick and before they knew it, the seals were engulfed in a fiery flame emitted from your head. The flame begins to melt the walls around the seals and begin to melt the ice. The seals wobble around, their bodies on fire. You push the door open leading to the main chamber and you see that the ritual is almost complete and the the cardboard Wario is turning into a real cardboard Wario due to the pile of cupcakes. The main evil silly seal stands in front of his throne bowing toward the idol. Human slaves are running around like crazy. The igloo is beginning to melt and it's getting kind of confusing. "Quick over here!" You see the police pilot at the right side of the chamber, standing in front of a small door.

What do you do?

MadBill · Post by **MadBill** » Sat Jul 24, 2010 1:39 am

You know when it is time to get the fuck out, and this isn't it.
Time for a one-on-one match with the head silly seal to end it once and for all.
Challenge him to a cockoff.

Post by **Retlaw83** » Sat Jul 24, 2010 6:55 am

Sink your dick into the pile of cupcakes to cool it off, first.

Taco-Hero · Post by **Taco-Hero** » Sun Jul 25, 2010 8:53 pm

You run up to the pile of cupcakes and stick your dick into one of the cupcakes. "Hey! You're sticking your dick in the sacrificial cupcakes!" You turn around and see the head silly seal charging at you. Before he touches you you whip him in the head with your cock (with the cupcake still on it) and the seal goes flying back. "This is ridiculous." You declare. "It's all over now!"

"No!" The head silly seal gets back up. "No! This was not promised to me! I was supposed to be the one to revive Cardboard Wario! I'll kill you!"

You look around as the igloo begins to melt around you. "Fine. Let's settle this like men." You point at your enormous cock.

The head seal pulls out his. Much to your dismay you see the outrageous size of his dong. It throbs like it has a life of it's own. It must be twice the size of yours. But you have learned over the years that it is not the size that counts...

You two stare each-other down. Then you engage in the greatest cock-off duel that has ever been conceived. As the igloo melts around you and the cardboard Wario burns down to the ground, the two of you thrust your cocks at each-other with endless skill and might. Your heart races. You concentrate all your strength in the nimble flexibility of your member as it wraps around the silly seal's. The head silly seal punches you in the chest with his over-sized wang. You land on your back. You look up. He stands over you like a supreme being, cock in face. You look above. You see a giant icicle. "Any last words?" With your bionic legs you kick the silly seal. He lets out a bloody scream. His face, red. You stand up. He gently position the seal in agonizing pain underneath the icicle then run off toward the door. As you reach the door you hear a "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

You head down the icy steps but you begin to slip as the steps liquefy. It suddenly turns into a slip-n-slide and you find yourself sliding down. You land at the bottom of the steps. You see before you a submarine leading to a potential escape. Yeah. The cop pilot stands in front of the submarine. He looks kind of pissed as he holds a hand gun pointing it at you. "You killed my brother," he says coldly. "He was one of the policemen in the station that you blew-up."

"Uh. I didn't blow-up a police station."

"You didn't?"

"No."

"Oh. Then who did?"

"I don't know that was never explained."

"Oh... okay." Then the guy was eaten by one of the killa whales. The killa whales pop out of the water. One of them ask you. "Is this the silly seal secret hideout?" You answer, "Yeah. Just head inside."

The killa whales climb up the slip-n-slide, surprisingly. You head off into the submarine and jump at the controls. You head off underneath. You navigate the submarine under the ice sheet covering the seemingly-endless lake.

What do you do now?