Duck and Cover

Ernesto wrote:

Subhuman wrote: I think you have potential, but your style needs work.

You say that about everything.

Well, it was either that or "You suck, stop writing forever", so I figured I'd go with the nicer one.

Really, though, I've seen worse. (Alias fanfic, anyone?)

I redid the whole thing if anyone is interested.

http://www.geocities.com/fallout_ranger ... ault13.wps

Honestly if you're going to write based off of the game, it may be beneficial to play through it as you're writing. As you play make a rough outline of everything you're doing in game. I know many of us here feel that we've played the game so many times that we don't need to do that, but when the creative juices get flowing sometimes it's easy to forget details. After you've written your outline, fill it in. Give emotion. What was the Vault Dwellers reaction to finding "Ed"? Did he know him? If he did, what was Ed like? You can devote just a paragraph to Ed and add much more to the story.

Avoid cursing unless it's appropriate. Too much cursing makes it seem like it was written by someone thinking that they're doing something naughty. Curse in dialog only if it fits the character that has been developed to that point and avoid using "fuck" too often.

Try to avoid too much detail. I know it's hard to determine what is too much but think of it like a movie. Picture the scene in your head and write down what you notice. That way the image of the scene will be portrayed without drowning the reader in details. Anne Rice's books would be about half as thick as they are if she would just cut down on the details.

Go cannon and stay true to the game, but remember that it's your story. Many times what works in a game will NOT work in a story. I know the game is a story in itself but it's told in a different medium. If you try to go play by play in your story you will drag it down and bore your readers to tears. In the end though I would agree that novelizing Fallout would be a very bad idea because no matter what you will change someone else's experience of the game and there will be a flame war. Write a story set in the Fallout universe and you can still stay cannon and true to the bible, you'd just be setting up your own story within a larger world.

:Edit:

Just read the re-write, very nice job. Nothing felt rushed and the feelings of the Vault Dweller come across rather well.

Little hint though, avoid the inventory list. It will be very difficult to explain later on how the Vault Dweller is carrying all the things that he gathers by the end of the game. Try to keep load limits realistic and you'll have a much more exciting story.

Blargh`s golden times?

Machiavelli wrote:It will be very difficult to explain later on how the Vault Dweller is carrying all the things that he gathers by the end of the game. Try to keep load limits realistic and you'll have a much more exciting story.

I was going to avoid the inventory subject for the most part, and keep him to a relatively low limit when it comes to weight/mass.

Worry less about weight and more about where he's going to put everything. It may be difficult to explain where he's carrying the 13 hunting rifles, 5,000 .223 rounds, 23 assorted grenades, 124 stimpacks, 24 10mm pistols and so on and so forth all the way from the Raiders Camp to the hub for trading. Take a few liberties just to keep the story entertaining. We all know how hard it is to take out a deathclaw with the 10mm but for the stories sake you may want to throw that kind of thing in. (exaggeration; just making an example)

Also, How about some background history on the Dweller? Are you really going to call him that through the whole thing or might he have a name known only to him and everyone else will know him as the "Vault Dweller"?

Needs more wheelchair-bound Quebec separatists.

Machiavelli wrote:We all know how hard it is to take out a deathclaw with the 10mm but for the stories sake you may want to throw that kind of thing in. (exaggeration; just making an example)

Actually I think deathclaws are a bit tougher than they really would be. What could really take 8 10mm rounds to the head?

Machiavelli wrote:Also, How about some background history on the Dweller? Are you really going to call him that through the whole thing or might he have a name known only to him and everyone else will know him as the "Vault Dweller"?

Maybe some background, but I think I'll stick with "the man with no name" format.