me + phone = retard.

trythebill · Post by **trythebill** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 12:35 am

i basically just called my best friend's mom and told her we were drinking in her basement two days ago, her son drinks, and i got a bj from her daughter. why did i do this you might ask, because his fucking mom sounds exactly like his sister. this is easily the stupidest thing i've ever done and am expecting a call very shortly from my own parents demanding to know what the fuck the deal is. i plan to run away to mexico now.

bye.

Doyle · Post by **Doyle** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 12:41 am

Man, that's terrible. On the upside, maybe the mom will give you a BJ, too.

trythebill · Post by **trythebill** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 12:45 am

not likely. she called my parents and they've called my house 9 times in the past forty-five minutes. i plan to not talk to anyone until i have to go home for christmas, hopefully they'll forget about it.

i need a time machine.

iohkus · Post by **iohkus** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 1:03 am

haha owned... wait.. you got owned.

nvmggxkthxbye

but fuck, i don't see the problem... unless her daughter is like 12?

is her son an alcoholic or something?

trythebill · Post by **trythebill** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 1:22 am

she's pissed because me and her son were always "such good boys" and she never really knew we were alcoholic womanizers until i told her.

her daughter is a senior in high school and i'm a freshman in college so i don't see the big deal but she was pissed.

MurPHy · Post by **MurPHy** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 1:42 am

she's pissed because me and her son were always "such good boys" and she never really knew we were alcoholic womanizers until i told her.

her daughter is a senior in high school and i'm a freshman in college so i don't see the big deal but she was pissed.

Naw...She's pissed because you made her find out the hard way that her daughter isn't the "nice little girl" that she thought she was. Heh. Don't worry. If you have a cool dad, then he's pry saying "atta boy!" to himself right now.

iohkus · Post by **iohkus** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 2:00 am

did she give good head though?

and does your friend know that you got head from his sister? lawl

trythebill · Post by **trythebill** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 2:04 am

OH SHIT! i didn't even think that his mom would tell him. now i'm double-plus fucked.

she gave great head, albeit a little sloppy. but still great.

OnTheBounce · Post by **OnTheBounce** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 2:09 am

trythebill wrote:OH SHIT! i didn't even think that his mom would tell him. now i'm double-plus fucked.

I'd say that if your friend has a problem w/you getting your knob shined by his sister it's time to get a new friend.

OTB

MurPHy · Post by **MurPHy** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 2:23 am

I'd say that if your friend has a problem w/you getting your knob shined by his sister it's time to get a new friend.

That's sage advice there. Right, grasshoppah?

OnTheBounce · Post by **OnTheBounce** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 2:34 am

MurPHy wrote:That's sage advice there. Right, grasshoppah?

Nope. Call it "older and wiser heads".

Sage advice would be me recommending you check into B. Russell's life before trying to subvert his quotes to your right wing way of thinking.

Cheers,

OTB

Stainless · Post by **Stainless** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 2:55 am

funniest thread I've read all day.....

trythebill · Post by **trythebill** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 7:53 am

message received on answering machine an hour ago from best friend(at screaming pitch but i do not feel like typing all in caps.)

"you FUCKING ASSHOLE. you were my friend. how long have i known you? HOW FUCKING LONG? you told me you'd never fool around with [name deleted] you fucking told me she was like a little sister to you. AND THEN YOU FUCKING LET HER SUCK YOU OFF AND FUCKING TELL MY MOTHER. if you were here i'd fucking beat the living shit out of you. i'd fucking kill you you MOTHERFUCKER. WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING? i'm fucking grounded. my sister is grounded. my parents are taking my FUCKING LICENSE I CAN"T EV[message ends]

Message #2: FUCK YOU FUCK YOU YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT COCKSUCKER. you'd better be out of my FUCKING HOUSE by the time i get back there or i'll fucking beat the shit out of you. i can't fucking believe how FUCKING STUPID you are. you were my best friend and you pulled something so FUCKED UP like this. if i ever see you again i rip you apart you dumbshit motherfucker[phone slams down]"

did i mention i (used to) live with him? he gets back monday, i go apartment hunting tomorrow.

Haha, you just came on here saying you got your dick waxed, but you're too shy to admit if your circumsized?

it has nothing to do with shyness. i refrain from discussing my penis in detail during public discourse.

POOPERSCOOPER · Post by **POOPERSCOOPER** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 7:58 am

dude, just call him up and tell him that his mom sounds like his sister and stuff. And if he doesn't take that say "FUCK YOU, A REAL FRIENDS WOULD UNDERSTAND". Plus his sister sucked YOUR dick, tell him to blame her.

YOu guys have an apartment and his mom going to take away his license lol. what is he 16?

OnTheBounce · Post by **OnTheBounce** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 8:03 am

Well, I guess my suggestion of getting rid of the prudish friend has been forced on you by your prudish friend himself.

Good luck finding an apartment. Luckily for you it's a renter's market
right now in most of the US, at least according to this article in the NT Times.

trythebill wrote:it has nothing to do with shyness. i refrain from discussing my penis in detail during public discourse.

How 'bout during public intercourse?

Menno wrote:Any man who has his son's foreskin cut off should be fucking shot.

I guess I can add that one to the long list of reasons why I should have busted a cap in my old man's ass years ago...

OTB

trythebill · Post by **trythebill** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 8:04 am

we have a house that his parents bought since his whole family went to same university. i think they're probably going to take his car(his whole life right now) instead of his license which means he has to walk fucking everywhere now. i'd call him now but there would be no reasoning with him, ever since the 2nd grade when he gets really fucking mad he stays mad for quite a while. that and i don't want to bring up the fact that he sucks at fighting and his sister would give me a better beating than he could.

trythebill · Post by **trythebill** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 8:18 am

his sister just called:

me: sorry
her: you're a fucking idiot, [name deleted] went fucking nuts when they told him they're taking his car. he was throwing shit in the weed and i think he punched a hole in his wall and broke his playstation.
me:...uh
her: my mom wants me to get a pregnancy test and std test now.
me: the fuck?
her: she's really fucking mad, they wanted to call the cops and have you arrested but [name deleted(her older sister)] talked them out of it.
me: i need to find a new place to live now.
her: i know, if you're there on monday they're going to call the cops...
me: relax, i'll get a place tomorrow.
her: you'd better, they're serious about that.
me:...
her:...yeah...when are you coming back?
me: are you kidding?
her: i can't talk to anyone, they're calling the school tomorrow and are going to have the dean escort me to and from their car when i get dropped off and picked up.
me: shit
her: yeah and i can't leave for lunch anymore or anything.
me: but...
her: nope, nothing. they're putting the alarm on at night so i can't sneak out and they changed the code.
me: then how...
her: i know the code but i can't sneak out til [name deleted] leaves for work in january. i need to see you when you come up for christmas
me: that isn't going to work.
her: yes it is, this is your fault i can't hang out with my friends and shit.
me: fuck that i got to go.
her: i'm calling you tomorrow to really talk.
me: that might not be the best thing to do.
her: well i'm doing it.[hangs up]

iohkus · Post by **iohkus** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 8:24 am

hahhahahahaha.... that's just too fucking good to be fake

what a fucking douche, she's obviously a fucking tool to subject herself to that shit

any self respecting chick would up and leave if her parents were that fucking paranoid and strict

haha STD test that's great...

and um you should put a restraining order on their family or something

so she's 17 and you're 19 or ?

trythebill · Post by **trythebill** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 8:42 am

we're both 19.

her parents just need to chill the fuck out. they have eight kids for shit's sake, i know her mom fucked about when she was younger. they are fairly religious though, which is probably kicking into high gear right about now.

i talked to my father and he said he wants nothing to do with the crazy bitch(he talked to the chick's mom) he said doesn't care what i did because he knows i know what i'm doing.

"just keep it quiet next time and find one that isn't crazy alright?"

cool guy.

Doyle · Post by **Doyle** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 9:26 am

Were you just liver there, Bill, or were you actually renting? If you were renting, you might have a little longer to look for another place to live before they can take any legal action. I'm not 100% positive about that, though; I don't really remember enough of my business law to be sure.

Although I can see why you'd want to get out of that tempest right away either way.