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 Into the Pitt Pt 1 View next topic
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Retlaw83
Goatse Messiah
Goatse Messiah


Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Posts: 5327

PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 12:53 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Here's a fan fiction piece I've occasionally threatened to write. Please tear it a new one to discourage me from wasting my time writing more of it.

---------------------------------------

Brody hunkered down into his sleeping bag, the stiff leather he was wearing stopping him from getting into a comfortable position. He had wanted to make it to the next town over before nightfall, but he judged the timing badly and that hadn’t happened. Exhausted and working in the cover of darkness, he had made a sort of junk barricade in the corner of a dilapidated warehouse. The hope was the barricade would stop someone with bad intentions from finding him as he slept; there was a part of him that would have been okay getting killed in his sleep, but his worst fear was to wake to the agony of being brutalized. When it came down to it, he was much more fearful of getting hurt and living with the pain than getting killed outright.

As Brody finally got his head settled comfortably on his rucksack, he heard a sound. At first he hoped it had been one of the violent gusts of wind that marked spring in western Pennsylvania, but once he heard the footfalls he knew someone else was out there. There was more than one set of footfalls; those of a human in boots and the other an irregular, light step, and Brody realized he was dealing with a person and a dog.

Brody glanced at the pile of ceramic composite and metal plates next to his sleeping bag, the armor segments he attached to his thick leather body suit that he didn’t have time to hook on, then reached for the holster rig sitting next to them. He drew his 14mm and slipped out of the sleeping bag slowly, aiming the pistol at the gap that was the only point of entry to his barricade. No one had come through by the time he was in a crouch, so he set down the pistol and grabbed his pump-action .12 gauge. He duck-walked to the gap, where he stopped to slowly unwind the tripwire trap he had rigged. Anyone who blindly caught their foot in it would have had a board with four knife blades attached to it spring up and stab them in the calf. On the one occasion the trap had been tripped it had saved his ass, the blood-curdling scream of his assailant waking him and giving him time to react. Brody euphemistically called assembling the trap “setting the alarm clock.”

He moved through the darkness, swinging the shouldered shotgun as he scanned what little he could see. Sidling up along a ruined hunk of machinery, he was startled when someone stepped around the corner, oblivious to his presence. Automatically he tracked the barrel down to level it at the figure’s head. Surprise flashed across her eyes as she raised her pistol and pointed it at his forehead.

“Drop the gun!” she demanded.

“Shit, lady, I get the drop on you and you tell me to drop my gun?” Off to the side, Brody heard a dog snarling.

“That’s the size of it,” the woman said.

“You get that mutt to heel and maybe we can work something out. I’m not dropping this gun when I have a pistol and a dog on me,” Brody said.

“We don’t have much to work with here,” the woman said.

“I shoot you, that dog’s on me before I can react. You shoot me, chances are I pull the trigger when the shotgun bounces in my hands and you lose your head. Only winner here is the dog,” Brody said.

“Spaz, heel,” the woman said. The dog moved to her side, but was still growling. “We lower our guns together on three.” Brody licked his lips.

“Sounds good to me. You count.”

She hit three, and Brody dropped his shotgun to the side. The woman kept her weapon raised.

“You cunt, we had a deal,” Brody said. She was surprised that she detected a hint of hurt in his voice.

“Nothing personal. It’s rough out here, I have to protect myself,” she said.

“That’s why it’s rough out here!” Brody exploded. “If you people had any shred of honor you could build something instead of wallowing in the shit of a dead civilization.” Abruptly, she lowered her gun to her side.

“What’s your name?” Brody asked.

“Star,” the woman responded, surprised. Brody noticed the details about her for the first time. Blonde, about five inches shorter than him. Might have been cute, but between the darkness, the fact he’d been a loner for weeks and the lack of obvious disease or mutation improving anyone’s look, he wasn’t sure.

“I’m Brody,” he said.

“You’re not from around here,” Star said.

“If my people were from around here, this warehouse we're arguing in wouldn't be a ruin,” Brody said. “And now that we’re introduced, I’m gone.” He was backing up towards where he had been hiding, keeping her in his sight.

“What do you mean?” Star asked.

“You compromised my hide site, I gotta pack up and move out.”

“Well, I mean, you can stay,” Star said, almost sheepishly. “You were here first.”

“Yeah, you’ll leave, I’ll go back to bed, then I’ll wake up an hour later with that mutt at my throat and you stealing my shit. The place is yours for the night, you win, take it,” Brody said. She had manipulated him into dropping his weapon by lulling him into a false sense of security, and he wasn’t about to trust her again.

“Well… I can’t stay here, either!” Star said.

“And why not?”

“What if you come back and kill and rape me?” Star said. Brody snorted; he liked to think he didn’t have the capacity to harm a stranger for no good reason.

“Don’t flatter yourself, honey,” Brody said, making a production of looking her over from head to toe. “You don’t have anything I want.” In truth, he couldn’t tell anything about her in the dark and through her heavy, formless clothing other than she had a Mauser and a vicious dog.

Brody threw his armor plates into his duffle bag, hoping he wouldn’t need protection while scouting a new site to bed down. As he left the warehouse he looked at the distant lights, four or five miles away, marking the Leetsdale Industrial Zone. Another five miles beyond that, his ultimate destination lay.


Last edited by Retlaw83 on Mon Mar 28, 2011 5:09 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Alister McFap II Esq.
Jerry Falwell
Jerry Falwell


Joined: 12 Nov 2010
Posts: 666
Location: My Mansion

PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 3:25 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Retlaw83 wrote:
the stiff leather


Retlaw83 wrote:
junk


Retlaw83 wrote:
brutalized


Retlaw83 wrote:
hurt


Retlaw83 wrote:
pain


Retlaw83 wrote:
“You don’t have anything I want.”



DAC's Clive Barker. (this is actually a compliment)
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Stalagmite
Wandering Hero
Wandering Hero


Joined: 26 Feb 2009
Posts: 1192
Location: IN YOUR PANTS AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 3:46 am Reply with quoteBack to top

It wasn't too bad but not anything spectacular either.
Better then the other "fanfiction" I read here today, if that means anything.
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Alister McFap II Esq.
Jerry Falwell
Jerry Falwell


Joined: 12 Nov 2010
Posts: 666
Location: My Mansion

PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 4:03 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Yeah, I actually bothered reading the whole thing...
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Retlaw83
Goatse Messiah
Goatse Messiah


Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Posts: 5327

PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 4:57 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I figured the bar was so low there was no way I could come in under it.
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Alister McFap II Esq.
Jerry Falwell
Jerry Falwell


Joined: 12 Nov 2010
Posts: 666
Location: My Mansion

PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 5:25 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Except for the gay overtone it wasn't THAT bad. It created a vivid picture of the situation in my head for a moment.
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Retlaw83
Goatse Messiah
Goatse Messiah


Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Posts: 5327

PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 5:46 am Reply with quoteBack to top

There was a gay overtone?
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Stalagmite
Wandering Hero
Wandering Hero


Joined: 26 Feb 2009
Posts: 1192
Location: IN YOUR PANTS AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 5:51 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Only in Dready's head. *hint hint*
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Alister McFap II Esq.
Jerry Falwell
Jerry Falwell


Joined: 12 Nov 2010
Posts: 666
Location: My Mansion

PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 5:55 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Alister McFap II Esq. wrote:
Retlaw83 wrote:
the stiff leather


Retlaw83 wrote:
junk


Retlaw83 wrote:
brutalized


Retlaw83 wrote:
hurt


Retlaw83 wrote:
pain


Retlaw83 wrote:
“You don’t have anything I want.”



DAC's Clive Barker. (this is actually a compliment)


Gay overtone. Gay BDSM. It even featured blades and traps!
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Retlaw83
Goatse Messiah
Goatse Messiah


Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Posts: 5327

PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 6:20 am Reply with quoteBack to top

So metal scrap lying around in an abandoned warehouse and words used to describe threat of bodily harm in a post apocalyptic scenario is gay in your eyes?
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Alister McFap II Esq.
Jerry Falwell
Jerry Falwell


Joined: 12 Nov 2010
Posts: 666
Location: My Mansion

PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 6:24 am Reply with quoteBack to top

No, your choice of words and the fact that the guy was uninterested in the woman makes it seem pretty gay. We live in a modern tolerant society. Just let it all out. We won't judge you...
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Stalagmite
Wandering Hero
Wandering Hero


Joined: 26 Feb 2009
Posts: 1192
Location: IN YOUR PANTS AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 6:36 am Reply with quoteBack to top

OK I did laugh.
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Psychoul
Elite Wanderer
Elite Wanderer


Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 625
Location: Oil Rig

PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 7:40 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Good story, i liked it. at the end i actually wondered what the final destination may be, and even what situations lay ahead. You left me at a cliffhanger where im wanting more.

and, Alistar and Retlaw seem to be at each others necks all the time?

just like MR. SNAKE and Retlaw... except those times were much more uncomfortable yet more funny.
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Stalagmite
Wandering Hero
Wandering Hero


Joined: 26 Feb 2009
Posts: 1192
Location: IN YOUR PANTS AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 7:42 am Reply with quoteBack to top

There's a thread about that in the Wasteland.
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Alister McFap II Esq.
Jerry Falwell
Jerry Falwell


Joined: 12 Nov 2010
Posts: 666
Location: My Mansion

PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 7:43 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I'm not trying to offend Ratlaw. I gave him positive credit for the story, but negative credit for the hidden GAY in it.
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Retlaw83
Goatse Messiah
Goatse Messiah


Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Posts: 5327

PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 11:44 am Reply with quoteBack to top

If you're reading common words for inflicting violence taken out of context and a guy purposely insulting a woman as "gay," then you must think Fallout in general has gay overtones. Or anything else involving words, for that matter. It reflects more on your mindset than the material.

You have to be trolling, because what you're seeing just isn't there.
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Alister McFap II Esq.
Jerry Falwell
Jerry Falwell


Joined: 12 Nov 2010
Posts: 666
Location: My Mansion

PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 12:11 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Retlaw83 wrote:
what you're seeing just isn't there.


Does this also include my positive opinion about the rest of the writing? icon_flamed
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Retlaw83
Goatse Messiah
Goatse Messiah


Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Posts: 5327

PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 3:44 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

It just includes the gay overtone you're reading into it.
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