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 Happy Cupcake Adventure! - A Choose Your Own Adventure Thing View next topic
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Taco-Hero
Strider of the Wastes
Strider of the Wastes


Joined: 13 Apr 2009
Posts: 913
Location: Minnesota

PostPosted: Fri Jul 02, 2010 11:32 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

You go up to the copper. The mother grabs her child and runs off or something. "What is it that you want?" He's seem sort of insecure around you. You don't need this shit and pull out his handgun from his holster. Everybody screams. You head off into the forest.

You keep running in the forest holding the gun like you're about to shoot something. You slip and land on your face. You look up and see a couple of tents, a died-out fire and a cooler.

What do you do?
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ekkaman
Elite Wanderer
Elite Wanderer


Joined: 19 May 2009
Posts: 694
Location: im everwhere im everwhere

PostPosted: Fri Jul 02, 2010 11:39 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Put on the hockey mask and grab the machete from the tree to your right, kill all the campers, young girls first leaving one alive to chase after but never work up a sweet by running just walk youll catch up to them. Put any remains that look yummie in the cooler for later.
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Taco-Hero
Strider of the Wastes
Strider of the Wastes


Joined: 13 Apr 2009
Posts: 913
Location: Minnesota

PostPosted: Sat Jul 03, 2010 3:51 am Reply with quoteBack to top

You pull a Friday the 13th and massacre those sex-crazed campers. You throw their remains in the cooler and eat a hot dog. You then cry yourself to sleep and wake up the next morning nice and refreshed. After you take off your hockey mask you take a piss on the trunk of some tree. You then turn around and WHAM! You fall over.

You wake up in a dark room tied to a wooden chair. A flourescent light turns on and a shifty-looking seal with an eye patch and another with a birthday hat stand before you.

"Is he awake?" The one with the birthday hat inquires.

"Looks like it. Hey wake up." You are slapped across the face with a fish. "Did you have a good sleep? Look, we saw what you did out there in the woods. We heard about the police station too and the bear. You probably think you're hot shit. I would let you go with all your extremities, but you cost us a shitload of cupcakes. But we need you alive, for now."

"Where are the killa whales?!"

"Shut up! I'm doing the motherfuckin' talking. Jesus Christ." The silly seal turns to you. "Where the fuck are the killa whales?"
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ekkaman
Elite Wanderer
Elite Wanderer


Joined: 19 May 2009
Posts: 694
Location: im everwhere im everwhere

PostPosted: Sat Jul 03, 2010 4:15 am Reply with quoteBack to top

ill take you to them for a pint of heroin injected into my eye ball. Then use heroin rage to fuck shit up and paint the walls with seal blood Canadian style.
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Taco-Hero
Strider of the Wastes
Strider of the Wastes


Joined: 13 Apr 2009
Posts: 913
Location: Minnesota

PostPosted: Sat Jul 03, 2010 4:22 am Reply with quoteBack to top

"How 'bout you tell us where the fuck they are or else we stab icicles into your eyes!"

"Heh heh. Yeah."

"Shut the fuck up Marty!"
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Burning Oasis
Desert Wanderer
Desert Wanderer


Joined: 09 May 2010
Posts: 488
Location: Coddingtown

PostPosted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 8:14 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Pretend to have a seizure.
It probably wont do anything, but I can do whatever the fuck I want.
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Taco-Hero
Strider of the Wastes
Strider of the Wastes


Joined: 13 Apr 2009
Posts: 913
Location: Minnesota

PostPosted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 3:25 am Reply with quoteBack to top

You pretend to have a seizure. You begin to shake and wobble the chair.

"Oh shit, I thnk he's having a seizure!"

"He's faking it!"

"Are you sure?"

"No. Help me untie him."

They quickly untie you. You stop pretending to have a seizure and punch the silly seal with the eye patch. He falls back. You then grab the silly seal with the birthday hat and start choking him with the hat until he is unconscious. You look around the room and you see that the other silly seal is gone. The only door is open. You look around. There is a small window, you could probably fit through it. You look through and see that you're on the third floor of some building.

What do you do?
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Burning Oasis
Desert Wanderer
Desert Wanderer


Joined: 09 May 2010
Posts: 488
Location: Coddingtown

PostPosted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 6:20 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Jump the fuck out that window! Don't you remember? You have bionic legs! You can take that shit.
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Taco-Hero
Strider of the Wastes
Strider of the Wastes


Joined: 13 Apr 2009
Posts: 913
Location: Minnesota

PostPosted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 11:49 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

You jump out the window because your bionic legs could easily sustain the landing. Yes, your bionic legs. You have them, don't you remember? You had them ever since you were a kid hanging out at Grandma Sprinkles house. She would always make the tastiest cupcakes. Much of your childhood was spent there. You used to play stick-ball in front of her driveway in the neighborhood with all of your friends. You remember the warm summer days would make the stick moist against your palms as you got up to hit the rock out of the park (you guys didn't believe in proper equipment.) One day you were playing stick-ball and you were about to hit the rock until someone yelled “Car!” and everyone got the hell outta there but for some reason you didn't and your legs got ran over. Fortunately Grandma Sprinkles was a super-smart scientist and saved your legs by making them all bionic and stuff. And you also drank lots of vodka and cupcakes and both of them when taken in large quantities make you strong, but both taken at the same time make you crazy powerful and shit.

So you jump out of the window and land five stories down, and without a scratch. You land next to a trash can and a sleeping hobo. You're now in a dark alleyway. One way is a 20 foot tall brick wall. You turn the other way toward the street but you see a gang of 4 or so clowns come your way, and they look pissed. Then you see they're being lead by the depressed-looking clown that gave you that bear from before.

“Well, look what we have here. Mr. Oh-I-can-give-this-guy-a-piece-of-lint-for-his-bear-and-then rape and kill his bear.” All the clowns inch toward you. They're all holding novelty, clown-type weapons.

What do you do?
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MadBill
Strider Elite
Strider Elite


Joined: 03 Feb 2005
Posts: 932
Location: Vault pi

PostPosted: Tue Jul 06, 2010 12:19 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Ziggy appears and wonders how you have forgotten your mission to save the governor from the radioactive chimps. You shrug and he disappears.
Ziggy quickly forgotten, you start kicking the shit out of them damn clowns.
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Taco-Hero
Strider of the Wastes
Strider of the Wastes


Joined: 13 Apr 2009
Posts: 913
Location: Minnesota

PostPosted: Tue Jul 06, 2010 3:23 am Reply with quoteBack to top

You beat up those clowns with ease. As you are about to head out into the street the hobo comes up to you.

“Hey man. I saw what you did to 'em clowns there.”

“Yeah, and what's it to you?”

The hobo looks up at you, “I have something for you. But what I have for you isn't just for anyone. No, I have a special offer for you, just for great warriors like you. Why don't you just step over to my office over here.” He points at a cardboard box which has 'Offise' written on the side with sharpie.

You look at the hobo, he looks kind of suspicious.

What should you do?
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MadBill
Strider Elite
Strider Elite


Joined: 03 Feb 2005
Posts: 932
Location: Vault pi

PostPosted: Tue Jul 06, 2010 4:40 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Follow him to his office and let him enter first, close the door on him and write "Locked" on the outside. When he demands to be let out, tell him the door is locked and light the box on fire. Who needs advice from a smelly hobo?
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Taco-Hero
Strider of the Wastes
Strider of the Wastes


Joined: 13 Apr 2009
Posts: 913
Location: Minnesota

PostPosted: Wed Jul 07, 2010 3:51 am Reply with quoteBack to top

After lighting the box on fire you walk toward the street, stepping over half-dead clowns in your wake. As you step out of the alleyway the sun gently covers your face with a warm glow. As you are about to step across the street a line of cop cars stop in front of you. Coppers step out of your vehicles and point their guns out you telling you to freeze.

You get locked up in jail again. Even though it looks a lot like the jail cell you were in before it is actually a different one in a different station because the other one blew up under unknown circumstances but the police have reason to believe that you did it. There are three guards standing in front of your cell, marching with rifles. There is no one else in the cell with you. A big guy with a trimmed mustache skips to your cell and begins speaking to you. He talks about how you were working with the silly seals and killa whales, trying to exploit their conflict or something and tried to obtain all the cupcakes for yourself or something incoherent like that.

"If you confess now, then you will get a minimum sentence of 70 years in jail in a maximum security fortress. So what do you say?
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Retlaw83
Goatse Messiah
Goatse Messiah


Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Posts: 5327

PostPosted: Wed Jul 07, 2010 6:34 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Pee in the guy's face, melting it with your acid urine.
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Taco-Hero
Strider of the Wastes
Strider of the Wastes


Joined: 13 Apr 2009
Posts: 913
Location: Minnesota

PostPosted: Wed Jul 07, 2010 10:11 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Your urine burnt into his brain and he died. You turn to the guards and pee on them and they die from your acidic urine. Your release also burnt through the bars. As they corroded you kicked them and they disintegrate. Since when did you have acid-y pee? Oh well. You put on one of the officer's uniforms and grab his gun and make your way through the police station. You discretely shoot everyone with your acid pee and everyone dies. You go up to the roof and there is a helicopter on the helipad. You jump in. The pilot asks you "Where to?"

Where do you want to go?
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Retlaw83
Goatse Messiah
Goatse Messiah


Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Posts: 5327

PostPosted: Wed Jul 07, 2010 11:58 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

To the seals' secret hide out.
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Taco-Hero
Strider of the Wastes
Strider of the Wastes


Joined: 13 Apr 2009
Posts: 913
Location: Minnesota

PostPosted: Thu Jul 08, 2010 2:32 am Reply with quoteBack to top

You tell him to head to the seals' secret hideout.

“Eh, why would you want to go there?”

“We have enough evidence to go there and annihilate those fuckers.”

“Alright, but if it's a secret then how do we know where it is?”

“Oh, right. Wait is that it over there?” You point at the giant igloo in the distance.

The pilot flies over to and lands on top of the seals' secret hideout which is a giant igloo. “Alright, don't we have any guns on this thing?” You inquire the pilot.

“No. But we gots this paper mache gun. But it doesn't work very well in these cold climates.”

“Fine. How do we get down from here?”

“Eh... we can fly down, but the copter is outta fuel.”

“Shiiit.”

Now what?
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Burning Oasis
Desert Wanderer
Desert Wanderer


Joined: 09 May 2010
Posts: 488
Location: Coddingtown

PostPosted: Thu Jul 08, 2010 5:15 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Pray to the Lord. That'll help for sure! icon_drunk devil
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Amis
Vault Elite
Vault Elite


Joined: 20 Jun 2007
Posts: 354
Location: Finland

PostPosted: Thu Jul 08, 2010 8:42 am Reply with quoteBack to top

You remember your bionic legs have the ability to work as a rotor so you use your manly power to copter to safety. Also suddenly the russians are here.
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Taco-Hero
Strider of the Wastes
Strider of the Wastes


Joined: 13 Apr 2009
Posts: 913
Location: Minnesota

PostPosted: Sun Jul 11, 2010 1:37 am Reply with quoteBack to top

You get on your knees and pray to your savior, Paper Mario but nothing happens. So you decide work your legs like rotors and copter off the top of the igloo. You land on the snow. You hear the pilot calling. You tell him that you'll get help but you probably won't. Also suddenly the Russians appear out of nowhere. They tell you that they are offended about your dreadful accent. You decide 'what the hell' and punch the one leading the mob in the left testicle. They're about to gang up on you then you remember that you still have a bottle of vodka. You throw it over the group in order to create a diversion. The Russians are unaffected. Now they're even more pissed that you would think of such a stereotype. They pile on top of you and throw you in a potato sack. They carry you off into the igloo. You hear voices.

"Look at what we found snooping 'round here. You seals should be more careful about these things."

"And I expect you want pay for this deed?"

"Nah, the 2 mil that you owe us should be enough..."

They drag you into some room. They pull the sack off and tie you to a weak wooden chair. Before you stands an enormous monument. A 30-foot statue of the silly seals' deity, Cardboard Wario. The main silly seal wobbles over to you. You see Eskimo slaves assembling a cupcake mountain next to the statue. Thousands and thousands of cupcakes.

"So you decided to show? What a surprise." The silly seal leader smiles at you with his rotten teeth.

You look around. The place is completely guarded with silly seals with harpoon guns.

"Despite your numerous damages that you have caused our brothers and your affiliation with the killa whales I mush admit you have been the most wonderful distraction to our pals down at the police station." He comes closer. "Now we can do what our ancestors have failed to do. Resurrect our Lord Cardboard Wario!" You notice that the statue is also made of cardboard. "As soon as we gather the remaining cupcakes for our sacrifice, the ritual will commence. But for now we need to make further preparations. Guards! Send him to the chamber! Make sure he is still tied to the chair!"

They throw you into the torture chamber in one of the icy cells. "We shall be back. Don't worry though, the Boss said he wants you to be able to witness the glory of Cardboard Wario so we won't do much!" They parade off to torture some poor soul in the room next to your cell. You can't see them but you can hear the screams of their victim. They conveniently placed you facing the wall. You look down and see one of those bobby pins. In the corner on your left you see a silly seal huddled in the corner, most likely in here for treason. You feel the rope cut into your skin. Man, it's getting pretty damn cold. You hear another scream and then moronic laughter.

What do you do?
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