Duck and Cover

(Inspired by Megatron's thread)

You are walking down the corridor in the long-abandoned church holding a basket of homemade cupcakes when all of a sudden you are ambushed by a bunch of killa whales!

“Muahhhhhhhhh!� You scream after wetting yourself.

What do you do?

Curl up in a fetal position and get eaten by the whales.

You decide that your life is meaningless and curl up in the fetal position figuring that the whales will eat you. You quickly get gobbled up by one of the whales and travel through its digestive tract. You land in the pit of its stomach but you are not alone. You see an old guy holding a giant screwdriver with a crazy look in his eyes.

What do you do?

Offer the old man a blowjob.

You unsurprisingly offer the old guy a quick own but as you are about the get on your knees he kicks you in the shins.

"Who do you think I am?! I'm not one of those priests. Well I used to be a priest until everyone stopped going to the church. Now I've wound up here. Here, let me help you out."

And so the old guy explains how he was just giving a sermon to some homeless guy when the killa whales came out of nowhere and ate him.

You ask him if there is a way out of here and the old man laughs in your face. It was obvious that there was only one way out of there. But perhaps there is an alternative. You look around but all you see is a toothbrush, a clown mask, a chainsaw, and a half-digested turnip which is glowing.

What do you do ?

I don the mask, brush my teeth and steal the screwdriver from the feeble old man. I use the screwdriver to start randomly stabbing the inside of the killer whale's stomach.

Also, feed the old man the rotting turnip for pushing religion. Tell him if he vomits, you will mutilate him into something unrecognizable with the chainsaw.

You pick up the toothbrush and see that it only has three bristles left and some green crap on the head but that doesn't stop you from sticking it in your mouth and practicing good oral hygiene. You throw on the clown mask and while the old man isn't looking steal the giant screwdriver. The old man takes notice and says, "What are you planning on doing with that? That old thing cannot possibly penetrate--"

You cut him off by throwing the glowing turnip in his mouth. The old man starts choking on the turnip. You tell him if he begins to vomit he would be cut-down into meaty little bits. He falls over into a puddle of stomach acid.

You begin randomly stabbing at the stomach walls. With every stab you hear the killa whale groan in agony. Finally you manage to make a small cut into the stomach wall, but suddenly the stomach begins to rumble and you fall over on your ass. Stomach acid begins to form around you.

What do you do?

I get puked out because the Whale just ate a fat greasy pile of Peanut Butter named Walter. Being allergic to shit the Whale barfed up it's entire stomach contents.

In Snakes ass.

Paper Mario

CARDBOARD WARIO!?!?!?!?!

Yonmanc wrote:CARDBOARD WARIO!?!?!?!?!

Indeed

(Okay... I think I can work with this...)

Suddenly you find yourself thrown about in the pit of the stomach. Acid begins to further flood in. You begin to thrust upward and quickly find yourself being pushed back through the whale's esophagus. Before you know it you are thrown out of the whale's mouth, landing within a puddle of some-what digested chunks. You pull yourself out of the puddle and see the corpse of the old man the handle of the giant screwdriver which has been separated by the rest. You look up and see the killa whale vomiting the rest in a hole in the floorboards. You look around and see that you are inside the church.

Inside there is the decaying symbol of the church, Paper Mario hanging over the podium. On the podium you see a bottle filled with some sort of liquid. On the other side you see two killa whale guards playing checkers next to the exit.

What do you do?

Worship the Paper Mario, I drink the liquid, which turns out to be bullshark testosterone in snakes ass.

I challenge the whales to a game of checkers, and win, but it turns out the prize is a date with snakes mom. I feel stupid for being outwitted by killa whales.

Killed by joker.

Taco-Hero wrote:(Okay... I think I can work with this...)

Suddenly you find yourself thrown about in the pit of the stomach. Acid begins to further flood in. You begin to thrust upward and quickly find yourself being pushed back through the whale's esophagus. Before you know it you are thrown out of the whale's mouth, landing within a puddle of some-what digested chunks. You pull yourself out of the puddle and see the corpse of the old man the handle of the giant screwdriver which has been separated by the rest. You look up and see the killa whale vomiting the rest in a hole in the floorboards. You look around and see that you are inside the church.

Inside there is the decaying symbol of the church, Paper Mario hanging over the podium. On the podium you see a bottle filled with some sort of liquid. On the other side you see two killa whale guards playing checkers next to the exit.

What do you do?

Jesus Christ this site is funny when I'm high.

So you pretty much do what Yonmanc says and even drink the mysterious liquid which turns out to be less than delectable. After worshipping Paper Mario you feel his blessings and challenge the killa whales in a game of checkers. It was more rigorous than you had hoped but finally you manage to defeat the killa whales. As you are doing your victory dance you feel a sharp pain in your stomach and then feel a bit nauseated. You fall down and are knocked-out cold. You wake up in a french restaurant with a snail on a plate in front of you with a tiny fork and salt shaker. You look up and see Snake's mom at the other side. It was a trap! You begin to panic. You look around, the place is pretty packed.

"They had to drag you in, I hope you like the snail."

You see a couple of killa whales guarding the exit.

What do you do?

Arm the semtex vest and prepare to <strike>meet Allah</strike> <strike>get laid by 72 virgins</strike> DO WORK

Call the only man that can get you out of this sort of a bind.

Retlaw

( who else will fuck snakes mum while you make your escape.)