Duck and Cover

You start stamping on the scurrying scary spiders, smashing several spindly scoundrels into spider soup. "Shit!" screams your sidekick, scanning the screen again. The sides of the ship are suddenly shrouded with sharks, spitting out spiders into the stale sunset sky. Secretly scared, you see the structure of the ship starting to splinter.

WHAT WILL YOU DO DAC

As a shark leaps from the ocean I spin around and grab it in a headlock. With one swift movement I rip off the skin of the shark's head to expose a metal skull and the control panel in its brain. While my best bud makes work of many spiders with his trusty boots I am able to rig the shark so that I can now control it's movements.

"Time to depart old friend!" I shout.

"What about the guns man?!" My friend shouts back.

"Forget 'em!"

I toss myself and the shark robot overboard into the water and my friend follows, leaping very awesomely over the side of the boat just as it explodes violently, erupting into a fireball towards the sky, and killing many alien spiders and destroying many expensive sharkbots. My friend and I sit on the shark robot's back and using its control panel we begin to swim briskly away from the boats wreckage.

You give your friend hi-five as you pull into the miami docks, before scrambling the controls for self-destruct. It's brain pops out with a little parachute and the shark explodes as you sip martini from a nearby balcony. Putting on a pair of sunglasses, you watch the blaze and as the fire departement from the local tri-city area arrive and put it out. The chief of police comes up and greets you.

"You're a loose cannon asswipe with satans ass on. I spit in your hairy twat, you're off the case."
"So sue me!" you shout back, taking off your sunglasses. Your friend has to come and calm you down before you get into your Ford Capris and decide on your next move.
"So what now?"
You light a pipe, a replica of the one Geldof had in Lord of the Rings. Smiling a shit eating grin, you lower your sunglasses and notice there is some crimes going on in City Library. Disgusting crimes against earth.
"Looks like we've got company. And if the company gets to hot, get outta the weed, motherfucker"
You put in your Matrix Soundtrack CD and speed off into town, chugging on your pipe.

WHAT WILL YOU DO DAC

You look at your back seat and see the book you have checked out of the library for at least 5 years, it is the Koran. As you turn back to the direction of the road you see a giant dumptruck filled with gold slam right into you.

You flee the scene, grabbing all the gold bars you can carry, and stashing them between the pages of the Koran. The Koran contains a secred code, which you decipher the following day over lunch, as all the sudoku training you have put yourself trough over the years certainly has made its' mark.

Having deciphered the code you realize that the Koran is just a big, fat manual, written by Leonardo DaVinci, on how to build your very own time machine. Co-operating with the Rebel Alien faction, set to destroy the aliens and also the human rebels and then themselves, you make purchase of the needed materials, paying for them with the gold bars that you stole, and soon the machine is ready.

You start the ignition and get inside, but something is wrong. Terribly wrong. You realize that the flux capacitor is only a placeholder piece of paper with the picture of a flux capacitor on it. Oh shite. You are sent to Vietnam 1967'. You hear a gook screaming, and also there is napalm coming your way.

WHAT YOU DO, MARTY!?

Flee Vietnam as fast as you can. Find and kill your mother and father before you were born.

When your best pal gives you that look, you reply:

"What else are you supposed to do with a time machine?"

Time machines are impossbilbe missions really. have you never seen donny darko he said with a sorried look like that of an ildmwma. is your best friend even your best friend, could you dfie fo ehim? in the end thata sl all that matters really, you and your familia like friends as well ill incldeuthem.


Anyway, theres some badshit going down. the president is corrupt and vietnam is close, in factitshere. you shoot a gook in the leg and he sweats to curse you with vooodoo. you try to say sorry btut youbve bee shot nad are really tirwedlm. you liftnhim up an d take him back o bass camp.youtr boss starts shouting, ast you.

You shoot your boss in the face. But then came the american soldiers. You opt to flee until you find ZE LEREMAN, a indian hook-ass sharpsooters. You heard about him, and think you can find him on the vietnam jungle.

Knee deep in some foliage, a parrot chirps his sweet song. Through the riverlets you crawl, dodging landmines and charlie patrols, living off the land. Eating things that would make a billy goat gruff puke his ass out. Eventually you come to a house on top of a tree. Crawling up to it, you have the strangest feeling of Deja Vu as it were. You enter the room and find indian shisha warrior, cross eyed and cross legged.

"Dada Soldier...is that you?"
You nod and unstring your supplies, rolling out a million dollars worth of gold you had been slugging on your back for a few kilometres.
"We need to get out of vietnam mate. I think I traded my time machine for all this gold. And I can't find my best friend, I think he...might be dead? Mabye I sold him for the gold."

You stare out of a window into the trees, spiralling off into memories of things that haven't even happened yet. It is quite poetic, and you start to sing a song about it, except something bad happens. Real bad. The tree explodes into a billion splinters as gook bazooka forces surround you, firing rockets everywhere like a cotton picking, rocket firing son of a bitch. The house flies through the air and lands in a river heading towards a waterfall.

WHAT WILL YOU DO FELIX DA HOUSECAT?

Make the house a canoe and totally go Deliverance on the waterfall.

Manoil wrote:

Hi Danny!

Ew it's Jesus.

do the squiggly dance

Thread revival 2009!

Mmmmhmmmm?

very funny. i read it again and still laughed...
2010.

Megatron, please became a merciless G.M. and kill the players slowly;
WHAT WILL YOU DO MEGATRON

Then you get 5 dollars!

What will you do next???