Sheryl Crow: Quit wipin yer ass so much!

PsychoSniper · Post by **PsychoSniper** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 11:34 am

or so says a celeb!

Heres a quote......

Crow (4/19, Springfield, Tenn.): I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming. Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating. One of my favorites is in the area of forest conservation which we heavily rely on for oxygen. I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.

Funny shit.

Dreadnought · Post by **Dreadnought** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 11:58 am

So PsychoSniper, how is working in a supermarket and bagging other people's groceries? Satisfying?

Thor Kaufman · Post by **Thor Kaufman** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 12:05 pm

She obviously is a muslim who doesn't use toilet paper, better shoot that terrorist before it's too late

DaC-Sniper · Post by **DaC-Sniper** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 12:59 pm

The chinese people were the inventor of toilet paper. The greeks were using stones by that time, explains the current gangue of them.

ixg · Post by **ixg** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 3:47 pm

solution: make bigger squares

Blargh · Post by **Blargh** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 3:54 pm

Solution : Cease eating and drinking.

johnnygothisgun · Post by **johnnygothisgun** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 3:56 pm

i wouldnt mind using a bidet. when you think about it, it does seem pretty unsanitary to clean with just dry paper

Thor Kaufman · Post by **Thor Kaufman** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 4:02 pm

just shit into the shower and wash away the shit, better use hot water too for some hot shit

Superhaze · Post by **Superhaze** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 4:24 pm

Nothing beats the viking tradition of a toilet stick.

VasikkA · Post by **VasikkA** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 4:33 pm

From now on I'll blame Sheryl Crow for my skid marks.

Megatron · Post by **Megatron** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 5:21 pm

one square? fuck that. i use one square just to break surface tension, nevermind wipe.

Yossarian · Post by **Yossarian** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 5:22 pm

My Solution: Laser-Rays

12 MW Laser-Rays

Nuclear-pumped Laser-Rays

For a lasting feeling of freshness

S4ur0n27 · Post by **S4ur0n27** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 5:56 pm

At least 9 squares are required when you shit.

POOPERSCOOPER · Post by **POOPERSCOOPER** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 6:11 pm

ya at least 10 or so and you do it at least 2-4 times until you don't wipe anymore poop. Anything less is like shoving your hand in your butt, it must be why women always insist on washing their hands cause they don't use enough toilet paper.

atoga · Post by **atoga** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 6:23 pm

worst thread of the year but i'm glad it has evolved into this intelligent discussion of toilet paper. i personally, patriotically, primarily use anywhere from 6-10 squares, 2-ply, charmin. i find i only need to wipe twice and then all the poop has been neatly expunged from my arse.

johnnygothisgun · Post by **johnnygothisgun** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 6:27 pm

do you guys honestly use that few squares? when i make a pass i tear off probably five squares and fold them over so that theres plenty of absorption and my hand doesnt get covered in shit. i usually make about ten passes i guess. maybe i could get by with less if you guys insist

:wipe etiquette:

Nicolai · Post by **Nicolai** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 7:32 pm

I have been known to use in excess of 20 squares in a single sitting. :eco terrorist:

TelemachusSneezed · Post by **TelemachusSneezed** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 7:58 pm

I won't be giving Sheryl Crow a rim job any time soon, that's fer darn sher.

Algorithm:
BEGIN {single paper wad}
LOOP BEGIN
----{wipe}
----{fold}
----{re-cover}
LOOP END
RETURN {clean anus}

That's REAL progress.

vx trauma · Post by **vx trauma** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 8:04 pm

don't you just hate it when the shit tangels up with the butthairs near the 'exit'. hardcore eco man/woman could collect these and sell them as christmas decoration. you could also become an internets celeb by creating the biggest one. then show it up on the net and tv too! cash in. win the game.

VasikkA · Post by **VasikkA** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 9:40 pm

I guess it depends on the consistency. If it's really wet or really dry you wont need more than 2-3 wipes, but if it's the adhesive kind you're going to spend the next 5 minutes wiping your ass. It's really annoying when a class starts in 5 minutes and I'm still home battling with my lunch of yesterday.

Good point about butthairs, vx, that's why I shave 'em off every two months or so. Makes my butt look more normal, too.