Holy shit
- Spazmo
- Haha you're still not there yet
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Well, quitting drinking a no-brainer. But then, what next? Let's explore some alternatives to booze.
- Jesus. Lots of people find religion to be an excellent substitute for alcohol as a way to cope with a cold, uncaring universe that just doesn't make any sense. If you like simple answers to difficult questions, not having to think about anything much and getting all your advice from a book written by people who died thousands of years ago, get religion!
- Drugs. Well, this isn't much better, since depending on the drug, you'll end up with a similar or much worse problem. Still, this is an excellent choice if you are a loser or atoga.
- A strong woman. Probably one of the better substitutes for alcohol as a best friend and source of comfort is a woman who cares about you. That said, since you're a drunken Russian programmer and homely as a mule, this is extremely unlikely.
- Vigorous masturbation. This option is interesting because it is simultaneously a substitute for your lack of a strong woman described above. The only problem is that it only lasts until you get rashes. Horrible, horrible rashes.
- Mercilessly spamming forums. This will certainly keep you busy, but will leave you only slightly less miserable in moments of self-reflection than you might be when you wake up in the cruel morning face down in a toilet filled with your own vomit, vaguely remembering a torrid night of intravenous vodka shooters some brief time ago.
- Computer games. This might work as something to keep you busy and generally keep your mind off of booze in your free time, but the problem is that there's hardly anything worth playing. Of course, there's always Solitaire. Always... forever and ever, until you close your eyes and all you can see is playing cards. CARDS FOREVER! IN EVERY DIRECTION UNTO INFINITY! CARDS, I TELL YOU! CARDS!
- Hanging yourself. This is probably the optimal solution, depending on your perspective. If the perspective is "you", then you'll be dead, which is inconvenient to say the least. If, however, the perspective is "me", you'll be dead and I won't have to listen to you complain about your alcohol problem anymore, which is just great.
- Art. You might find solace in the throes of creation. Write a play, a novel or a TV show. Things about Victorian era British people living in total misery tend to be popular, or failing that, elves. Start by writing erotic fanfic for your favourite childhood cartoons--you'll find it disturbingly easy! In no time, you'll find yourself delivering literary cockpunches to Hemingway with your latest hugely popular novel, The Spanish Civil War Was For Candyasses.
- POOPERSCOOPER
- Paparazzi
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- Thor Kaufman
- Mamma's Gang member
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- Mandalorian FaLLouT GoD
- Hero of the Desert
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Stop being such a cockswallower and stop drinking so much you pussy.ApTyp wrote:Fuck you.
Blargh wrote:While the way in which the stance is made could be done with at least a pretense of civility - being far more conducive to others actually paying attention than copious swearing - it just wouldn't be Mandy otherwise.
S4ur0n27 wrote:Dexter is getting MFG'ed for the first time
Koki wrote:He must be Mandallorian FaLLouT God'ded ASAP
- Spazmo
- Haha you're still not there yet
- Posts: 3590
- Joined: Wed Jun 12, 2002 4:17 am
- Location: Monkey Island
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Having read approximately 98% of everything that has ever been written (I cannot stomach that atrocious Danielle Steele, who accounts for the remaining 2%), my subconscious may have salvaged it from something somewhere sometime by someone, but otherwise, no, pulled out of my ass live on demand.Blargh wrote:Did you appropriate that, Spazmo ? It does seem familiar. If so - where ?
How kind.If not - nicely said ? Regardless, reasonably amusing, if hyperbolic.