Can any decent writers give me tips to improve my story?
The tales of an exile
By Umpa
Prelude
A slow wind blew over a desolate wasteland. The wreckage of a broken town lay before me. The death of countless innocent
people and a ruined world were the result of a pointless war. Oil ran out and with it a main source of fuel. I cocked my
gun and looked at the gas meter. Nearly empty. I stepped on the pedal and the engine roared into life. Things weren't bad.
They'd been a hell of a lot worse.
About 4 years back i'd been living in a military installation as part of an elite group, formed from the former U.S.A named
The Enclave. Things were simpler then. I was a soldier and just did what i was told. I excelled in sniping and energy
weapons. I was one of our best shooters. Then that damn hulk Frank Horrigan started giving the orders. We'd always wiped
out scum like raiders but he was just barbaric. He started wiping out innocents like people leaving vaults and petty
merchants. No threat and no less human than me or any one of us. But this guy was different. He was sadistic.
The whole reason i'm no longer a member of that organisation is because of what he did. I stood and watched as he gunned
down a group of unarmed women and children in cold blood. I still can't look myself in the mirror because i could stopped
him but chose not too. On our next solo mission I gunned down my whole squad. Just to save one boy. I stole our Humvee
and sold my weapons and armour to a merchant for a rifle and ammo. And then i just wandered the wastes, helping people.
I going to make a difference. I will make up for that mistake. I will survive. I won't just watch innocents die.
Not anymore.
Tales Of An Exile
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TheReaper
There's one or two grammar errors. First, you should never start a sentence with 'And' unless it's speech or a poem. Second it should be I'm goind to make... not I going to make. Just minor things but I think you might want to know. Remeber to break up into paragraphs to make it more readable, you've done that, keep it up. Try and get really descriptive and read some other books to get a feel for writing styles, they don't even have to be on the same subject.
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Ruben Rooben Reuben
- Respected
- Posts: 85
- Joined: Sun May 05, 2002 5:32 am
berg
Some grammar rules can be broken for certain effect. And that's a fact.
Whatever you write, when you finish, put it away for a day or so. Then go back and read it. Hear the narrator in your head and ask yourself if it's all making enough sense.
Buh.
Whatever you write, when you finish, put it away for a day or so. Then go back and read it. Hear the narrator in your head and ask yourself if it's all making enough sense.
Buh.
"Get your toothbrush and whatever!" - Hans Zarkhov
Hmmm, each person has his own style of writing and vocabulary. But I must say, noting annoys me more than bad spelling. Grammar can take a back seat if it's well written but there are several things to remember.
1. Don't try to be too clever, some people may not get what you’re hinting at.
2. Some writers may place lots of details to describe the surrounding but too much detail can be over doing it and cause the reader to deviate from the story and lose interest, the same rule applies to not enough. Finding the middle of the road will take some time.
Enhanced examples of your starting sentence.
Cold start?
A. A slow northern wind blew over the frigid wasteland. The shattered wreckage of a broken town lay before me. It's death of countless innocent people and a ruined world could be heard in its frozen shriek, a result of a pointless, forgotten war.
Hot start?
B. A slow wind blew over a baked wasteland. The burnt wreckage of a broken town lay smoking before me. The deaths of countless innocent people and a ruined world could be strongly smelt now. All were the result of a past but pointless war.
Dead stop?
C. The slow wind blew ripples of dust over the desolate cracked wasteland. But the wreckage of a dead and broken town lay sometime away from me. The legacy of a countless people, but not innocent race. And this ruined world was the result of their greed.
3. Read. Read. Read! You will have to read books to get the feel of how to write a plot line and story. You will notice that most authors will pop in and out of telling the plot and story to developing the characters directly.
Example...
It was a cold and stormy night (This part will be the narrator)
Ben said in a low voice "I need a coat now damit!" (This part is the character)
Many new writes will just concentrate on the character part, which is perfectly fine providing you also include some small detail. It’s up to you.
4. Don’t get ambitious, few writers are gifted with an ever-imaginative mind but for normal people you may want to brainstorm ideas and plots, even characters. Remember to keep the audience entrapped, to do this don’t reveal everything on page one. You could even leave lose ends early on but remember to tie them all up when you need to.
5. Always type numbers as words and not directly from your Num-pad unless it’s part of the story. Some larger reviewers find this to be lazy and can mar your work.
6. Keep the story in mind. You must keep the plot/storylines strong by not having diversions like the hero going on a side quest that has no relevance to the main story except to tie him up ready for when the big event or the main quest arrives, like marriage even…
7. As with real life location is a big factor, look at detective books. They are set on trains and boats, even a circus of all sick things. Who wants to read about what they do at home/work/school already? All though this goes against my better judgement the Harry Potter “erk” series is a good example, including a new fantasy element to a other wise drab and shitty life. The locations were neatly placed over each other so to gradually bring the reader to see what would happen next. Yes I am over 20.
8. New things sell better. Natch.
If you don’t want to agree with any or some of the above, that’s fine, this is not meant to be a guide to the galaxy but it’s here to show you one or two of the many angles of writing. Don’t forget you towel!
1. Don't try to be too clever, some people may not get what you’re hinting at.
2. Some writers may place lots of details to describe the surrounding but too much detail can be over doing it and cause the reader to deviate from the story and lose interest, the same rule applies to not enough. Finding the middle of the road will take some time.
Enhanced examples of your starting sentence.
Cold start?
A. A slow northern wind blew over the frigid wasteland. The shattered wreckage of a broken town lay before me. It's death of countless innocent people and a ruined world could be heard in its frozen shriek, a result of a pointless, forgotten war.
Hot start?
B. A slow wind blew over a baked wasteland. The burnt wreckage of a broken town lay smoking before me. The deaths of countless innocent people and a ruined world could be strongly smelt now. All were the result of a past but pointless war.
Dead stop?
C. The slow wind blew ripples of dust over the desolate cracked wasteland. But the wreckage of a dead and broken town lay sometime away from me. The legacy of a countless people, but not innocent race. And this ruined world was the result of their greed.
3. Read. Read. Read! You will have to read books to get the feel of how to write a plot line and story. You will notice that most authors will pop in and out of telling the plot and story to developing the characters directly.
Example...
It was a cold and stormy night (This part will be the narrator)
Ben said in a low voice "I need a coat now damit!" (This part is the character)
Many new writes will just concentrate on the character part, which is perfectly fine providing you also include some small detail. It’s up to you.
4. Don’t get ambitious, few writers are gifted with an ever-imaginative mind but for normal people you may want to brainstorm ideas and plots, even characters. Remember to keep the audience entrapped, to do this don’t reveal everything on page one. You could even leave lose ends early on but remember to tie them all up when you need to.
5. Always type numbers as words and not directly from your Num-pad unless it’s part of the story. Some larger reviewers find this to be lazy and can mar your work.
6. Keep the story in mind. You must keep the plot/storylines strong by not having diversions like the hero going on a side quest that has no relevance to the main story except to tie him up ready for when the big event or the main quest arrives, like marriage even…
7. As with real life location is a big factor, look at detective books. They are set on trains and boats, even a circus of all sick things. Who wants to read about what they do at home/work/school already? All though this goes against my better judgement the Harry Potter “erk” series is a good example, including a new fantasy element to a other wise drab and shitty life. The locations were neatly placed over each other so to gradually bring the reader to see what would happen next. Yes I am over 20.
8. New things sell better. Natch.
If you don’t want to agree with any or some of the above, that’s fine, this is not meant to be a guide to the galaxy but it’s here to show you one or two of the many angles of writing. Don’t forget you towel!
Hmmm, each person has his own style of writing and vocabulary. But I must say, noting annoys me more than bad spelling. Grammar can take a back seat if it's well written but there are several things to remember.
1. Don't try to be too clever, some people may not get what you’re hinting at.
2. Some writers may place lots of details to describe the surrounding but too much detail can be over doing it and cause the reader to deviate from the story and lose interest, the same rule applies to not enough. Finding the middle of the road will take some time.
Enhanced examples of your starting sentence.
Cold start?
A. A slow northern wind blew over the frigid wasteland. The shattered wreckage of a broken town lay before me. It's death of countless innocent people and a ruined world could be heard in its frozen shriek, a result of a pointless, forgotten war.
Hot start?
B. A slow wind blew over a baked wasteland. The burnt wreckage of a broken town lay smoking before me. The deaths of countless innocent people and a ruined world could be strongly smelt now. All were the result of a past but pointless war.
Dead stop?
C. The slow wind blew ripples of dust over the desolate cracked wasteland. But the wreckage of a dead and broken town lay sometime away from me. The legacy of a countless people, but not innocent race. And this ruined world was the result of their greed.
3. Read. Read. Read! You will have to read books to get the feel of how to write a plot line and story. You will notice that most authors will pop in and out of telling the plot and story to developing the characters directly.
Example...
It was a cold and stormy night (This part will be the narrator)
Ben said in a low voice "I need a coat now damit!" (This part is the character)
Many new writes will just concentrate on the character part, which is perfectly fine providing you also include some small detail. It’s up to you.
4. Don’t get ambitious, few writers are gifted with an ever-imaginative mind but for normal people you may want to brainstorm ideas and plots, even characters. Remember to keep the audience entrapped, to do this don’t reveal everything on page one. You could even leave lose ends early on but remember to tie them all up when you need to.
1. Don't try to be too clever, some people may not get what you’re hinting at.
2. Some writers may place lots of details to describe the surrounding but too much detail can be over doing it and cause the reader to deviate from the story and lose interest, the same rule applies to not enough. Finding the middle of the road will take some time.
Enhanced examples of your starting sentence.
Cold start?
A. A slow northern wind blew over the frigid wasteland. The shattered wreckage of a broken town lay before me. It's death of countless innocent people and a ruined world could be heard in its frozen shriek, a result of a pointless, forgotten war.
Hot start?
B. A slow wind blew over a baked wasteland. The burnt wreckage of a broken town lay smoking before me. The deaths of countless innocent people and a ruined world could be strongly smelt now. All were the result of a past but pointless war.
Dead stop?
C. The slow wind blew ripples of dust over the desolate cracked wasteland. But the wreckage of a dead and broken town lay sometime away from me. The legacy of a countless people, but not innocent race. And this ruined world was the result of their greed.
3. Read. Read. Read! You will have to read books to get the feel of how to write a plot line and story. You will notice that most authors will pop in and out of telling the plot and story to developing the characters directly.
Example...
It was a cold and stormy night (This part will be the narrator)
Ben said in a low voice "I need a coat now damit!" (This part is the character)
Many new writes will just concentrate on the character part, which is perfectly fine providing you also include some small detail. It’s up to you.
4. Don’t get ambitious, few writers are gifted with an ever-imaginative mind but for normal people you may want to brainstorm ideas and plots, even characters. Remember to keep the audience entrapped, to do this don’t reveal everything on page one. You could even leave lose ends early on but remember to tie them all up when you need to.
