Five-Minute Fallout: Director's Crap Special Edition De Suxe

Got great hand-eye coordination? Here's the place to show it off. You can also upload your work (images, audio, and video) and view our fan art gallery (currently defunct, bug forum management to fix it).
This is also the forum for all of you blossoming Camus' to exercise your brain power by writing and posting fan fiction.
Post Reply
User avatar
DJ Slamák
Vault Elite
Vault Elite
Posts: 393
Joined: Fri Apr 19, 2002 11:17 pm
Location: Prague, Czech Republic
Contact:

Five-Minute Fallout: Director's Crap Special Edition De Suxe

Post by DJ Slamák »

You'll never believe this, at least until I post it. Digging around on my hard drive, I've found the only fanfic I've ever amounted to -- which isn't really fanfic at all.

About an year ago, I was putting this sucker out at the now-defunct Vault13.net. After about three chapters, I got into a rather precarious situation: I had the beginning and the end finished, but not the middle part! I ended up stopping after those three chapters.

This Director's Cut Special Edition De Luxe will feature the aforementioned three chapters, a torso of Chapter 4, which consists of a chat with Harold, the finished end chapters, and some concepts. The dialogue in the three chapters has been beefed up slightly.

Today I will post the first two chapters, so sit back and enjoy.
Last edited by DJ Slamák on Fri Jun 06, 2003 10:48 pm, edited 2 times in total.
User avatar
DJ Slamák
Vault Elite
Vault Elite
Posts: 393
Joined: Fri Apr 19, 2002 11:17 pm
Location: Prague, Czech Republic
Contact:

Post by DJ Slamák »

=========================
FIVE-MINUTE FALLOUT
=========================

PART 1
=========================

Narrator: So? Whad'ya doing in there? Turn it on, dude.
Writer: It *is* on.
Narrator: &{#@, we're live? Umm... ::ahem:: War. War never changes. Basically, it's a matter of small penises. When some guys want things to go boom, then they send lots of people-
Writer: Would you beat it?
Narrator: Oh yea, sorry man. So, like, there was this Great War in 2077 that killed awful lots of people, but someone still survived because they had built these Faults-
Writer: V-A-U-L-T-S.
Narrator: Hey man, you give me miserable money for narrating a game that you're gonna completely &#@! up four years from now, so what the hell?
Writer: Dude, just get to the last part.
Narrator: Okay. ::ahem:: "Life in the Vault is about to change............"

***

Overseer: Hi. I've decided to send you on a suicide mission.
Vault Dweller: Cool. When do I start?
Overseer: Right away. Oh, and our water chip's gone bad, too.
Dweller: What's that?
Overseer: Dunno. Something to do with water, I'm guessing.
Dweller: Want me to bring you another one while I'm out there?
Overseer: That'd be nice.
Dweller: OK.

***

Dweller: Here I come outta the Vault. Looks like I'm gonna be getting lots of monologues now.
Writer: Don't worry, most of that stuff will happen off-screen.

***

Dweller: Heya.
Katrina: Hello. What do you want?
Dweller: Well, I was headed for Vault 15 and I came across your village. What goes on here?
Katrina: Uhm, we have Aradesh the Crazy.
Dweller: Crazy - how?
Katrina: He's been standing in one corner for, um, seventeen years now.
Dweller: Seventeen years?
Katrina: Yeah, ever since his wife ran away with a raider. She left him here with their daughter.
Dweller: That sucks.
Katrina: Just wait 'til you see our doctor.
Dweller: Is he that bad?
Katrina: Well, for one thing, his name's 'Razlo'.
Dweller: Oh my. How do you people manage to survive out here?

Aradesh: Welcome to our village and observe my good manners.
Dweller: Word.
Aradesh: So basically, the radscorpions and the Khans are making our life hell and all we do against it is wait for a supermuta- umm, I mean a *superhero* to show up and save us.
Dweller: Sounds clever.
Aradesh: Wanna help us?
Dweller: Okay.
Aradesh: You didn't tag Speech, did you?

Seth: You wanna go to the radscorpion caves?
Dweller: Nah. That can wait. I gotta level up first.
Seth: But they'll kill us!
Dweller: Okay. I'll save my game. Now buzz off.

***

Dweller: You just had to skip that part of the story, didn't you.
Writer: There's nothing in Vault 15 anyway.
Dweller: But it was where I was supposed to get my first Desert Eagle!
Writer: Trust me, you won't miss it later on. Besides, this is the Five-Minute Fallout. We don't have time to explore every single spot of the game.
Dweller: Remind me why I agreed to do this?
Writer: You didn't.
Dweller: Oh, right.

Dweller: So, Mr. Town Guard, can you tell me what there is to do here, and also why the whole town reeks like a dump?
Kalnor: You can obey the laws. It's very exciting!
Dweller: Okay, I guess I'll give it a try.

Dweller: Perhaps you can tell me something more useful.
Lars: Put your gun away.
Dweller: You're not being very helpful. But I'll do it, just for you.
Lars: Well, there's Killian. He has a general store here and he also runs the town. That means he's the good guy.
Dweller: Uh huh.
Lars: Then there's Don Gizmo. He owns the casino. You can tell he's evil because he wants to kill Killian.
Dweller: That's cool.
Lars: Then there's Doc Morbid. He has a hospital and he certainly doesn't sell corpse parts to Iguana Bob in the Hub.
Dweller: Uh... To whom?
Lars: Oh, you're new to the wastes, eh? Forget what I said.
Dweller: I can't, I have exceptionally good memory.
Lars: Then I'll have to bust you.
Dweller: Uh... that's warm.

Killian: What can I do for you today?
Dweller: What's there to do in here?
Killian: Well, mostly we trade people, or let- uhh, I mean, we trade WITH people. We don't trade people like goods. Yes. We trade with people, but we do not trade people. Haha. English is so funny sometimes.
Dweller: Um, okay. Yeah. Whatever.
Assassin: Gizmo sends his bullets. Agh. Retards. Uh, no wait...
Dweller: BLAM, BLAM!
Assassin: AGGH!
Killian: Thanks for saving my life.
Dweller: Don't mention it. I just couldn't stand the idea of being in the middle of a town populated solely by speech-impaired people.
Killian: While you're at it, could you dig up some compromising stuff on Gizmo for me?
Dweller: I dunno...
Killian: Um, he's very speech-impaired!
Dweller: You want home video porn?
Killian: No, this tape will suffice.
Dweller: Deal.

Don Gizmo: So basically, I want Killian's dog tags and I'll give you anything if you bring them to me.
Dweller: Could you please repeat that into my pocket?
Don Gizmo: Huh, what? Okay... I WANT KILLIAN'S DOG TAGS AND I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING FOR THEM!
Dweller: What good will they be to you?
Don Gizmo: I'm a fetichist. They turn me on.
Dweller: Whoa, could you repeat THAT?

Dweller: Here's the tape. Oh, and you lied. He isn't speech-impaired at all.
Killian: Well, tough luck. But now we can kill him nonetheless. You in?
Dweller: Sounds good to me.


5 minutes are up, to be continued
=======================
User avatar
DJ Slamák
Vault Elite
Vault Elite
Posts: 393
Joined: Fri Apr 19, 2002 11:17 pm
Location: Prague, Czech Republic
Contact:

Post by DJ Slamák »

PART 2
=======================

In the previous part, we saw:
------------------------------

Narrator: Life in the Vault is about to change.

Overseer: Hi. I've decided to send you on a suicide mission.

Dweller: Here I come outta the Vault. Looks like I'm gonna be getting lots of monologues now.

Aradesh: Wanna help us?
Dweller: Okay.

Dweller: You just had to skip that part of the story, didn't you.
Writer: There's nothing in Vault 15 anyway.

Assassin: Gizmo sends his bullets. Agh. Retards. Uh, no wait...
Dweller: BLAM, BLAM!
Killian: Thanks for saving my life, could you dig up some compromising stuff on Gizmo for me?

Don Gizmo: I'm a fetichist. They turn me on.
Dweller: Whoa, could you repeat THAT?

Dweller: Here's the tape. Oh, and you lied. He isn't speech-impaired at all.
Killian: Well, tough luck. But now we can kill him nonetheless. You in?
Dweller: Sounds good to me.



****
And Now...
****



Killian: Okay Gizmo, you're going down.
Don Gizmo: Oh no, what have I done?
Killian: You've confessed to having sexual fantasies involving my dog tags.
Don Gizmo: And I still haven't mentioned your old socks.
Killian: That does it! BLAM! BLAM!
Lars: Blam! Blam!
Kalnor: BLAM! BLAM!
Vault Dweller: Blam! Blam!
Don Gizmo: Blam! AAAuuufggh...
Gizmo's Guards: Don't mind us, we'd die of veneral diseases anyway. Mercenaries' life, you know how the cookie crumbles...

Killian: For helping me slay the big mean evil bad guy, you get to choose whatever you want from my store.
Vault Dweller: Can I take your mother-in-law's head in a jar?
Killian: No. Doc Morbid wants it.
Dweller: Can I go ask him?
Killian: Whatever.

Doc Morbid: Hmm, yeah? What sinister disease brings you here?
Dweller: I'm perfectly healthy. Just wanted to ask-
Morbid: 'Healthy'? What is that?
Dweller: Um... it's when you're not suffering from any disease.
Morbid: Hmm, hmm. Does it involve limb amputation?
Dweller: No.
Morbid: Buggar off, then. I've more urgent things to do than not amputate your limbs.
Dweller: Can I take a peek down that manhole?
Morbid: Get lost, you perv!
Dweller: Whoa? I said 'manhole'!
Morbid: Oh. My bad, I've been doing a lot of colonoscopies lately.
Dweller: So can I?
Morbid: Whatever. Just stop bothering me.

Dweller: This room's pretty dark. Oh look, a locker filled with human flesh.
Midget: You can tell Morbid that the corpse bits are almost ready to be shipped to The Hub.
Dweller: Corpse bits?!
Midget: Yeah... Corpse bits... For Bob, to sell.. eat... uh.. BLAM! BLAM!
Dweller: BLAM!
Midget: AUGH!
Dweller: Quick, now I gotta tell Morbid that I know what he does here so I can have one of my eyes taken out.

Morbid: What?
Dweller: I gotta tell you that I know what you do down there.
Morbid: But then I'll have to take one of your eyes.
Dweller: Eep. Yuck.
Morbid: Say hello to Mr. Non-Sterile Scalpel.
Dweller: Hi... Boy, you sure do look sharp... I've changed my mind. I wanna keep the eye.
Morbid: But then you'd have to forget what I do down there.
Dweller: I can't. I have exceptionally good memory.
Morbid: Then I'll have to-
Dweller: BLAM! BLAM!
Morbid: AAUGH. SLUURPPP. SPLIT.
Dweller: You set the gore level to max, eh?
Writer: You betcha.
Dweller: Now I'm not gonna get the head.
Writer: Never mind, it's a broken quest anyway. What's worse is, you're not gonna get ANY head. Mwahaha...
Dweller: You're a b!@$}, you know that?
Writer: For sure.

***

Dweller: Think I've leveled enough to take on the radscorpions?
Writer: I think so. Let's head back to Shady Sands.

***

Seth: So you want me to take you to the radscorpion caves?
Dweller: Well, not exactly. What I want is that we go there and you kill them while I sip some dry Martini and smoke a Cuban cigar, but since you're a wuss and there are no cigars in this game, only lighters, then yes, take me to the radscorpion caves.
Seth: Been jamming points into Speech lately, have you?

***

Dweller: Whaddya mean, you're gonna just cut the dungeon fight scene out?
Writer: Well, it may look good on the screen, but having "Dweller: BLAM! Scorpion: AUGH!" written down twenty times in a row looks pretty stupid.
Dweller: Fair nuff.
Director's Cut Commentary - Writer: But since you haven't paid any money to get this special Director's Cut edition, here's the ominously boring dungeon fight scene in all its former glory...

Dweller: BLAM!
Scorpion: AUGH!
Dweller: BLAM!
Scorpion: AUGH!
Dweller: BLAM!
Scorpion: AUGH!
Dweller: BLAM!
Scorpion: AUGH!
Dweller: BLAM!
Scorpion: AUGH!
Dweller: BLAM!
Scorpion: AUGH!
Dweller: BLAM!
Scorpion: AUGH!
Dweller: BLAM!
Scorpion: AUGH!
Dweller: BLAM!
Scorpion: AUGH!
Dweller: BLAM!
Scorpion: AUGH!
Dweller: BLAM!
Scorpion: AUGH!
Dweller: BLAM!
Scorpion: AUGH!
Dweller: BLAM!
Scorpion: AUGH!
Dweller: BLAM!
Scorpion: AUGH!
Dweller: BLAM!
Scorpion: AUGH!
Dweller: BLAM!
Scorpion: AUGH!
Dweller: BLAM!
Scorpion: AUGH!
Dweller: BLAM!
Scorpion: AUGH!
Dweller: BLAM!
Scorpion: AUGH!
Dweller: BLAM!
Scorpion: AUGH!
Dweller: K, I'm done here.

Director's Cut Commentary - Dweller: Filming this was an unbelievable ordeal.

***

Dweller: I'm back, and you can tell your doctor that I have lots of venom sacks for him to make an antidote.
Seth: Oh, excellent. Go talk to Aradesh.

Dweller: Is your doctor somehow related to Doc Morbid from Junktown?
Aradesh: No, why?
Dweller: Just guessing from the name.

Tandi: Hi! You're the famous traveler?
Dweller: No, I'm, uh, Louis Armstrong.
Tandi: Wow. But you don't look like him at all.
Dweller: That's because I can't play a black character in this game. I hear your mother's run away with a raider?
Tandi: Yeah. They sometimes come here for Dad to pay the alimony.
Dweller: Isn't that odd, when he's been raising you?
Tandi: I've never thought about it that way... hmm, I'd better go to the raiders' camp to have myself captured, so Mom will have to pay alimony to Dad. Bye!
Dweller: This happens every time I try to pick up a chick.

Dweller: I hear you're looking for a travelling companion.
Ian: "Companion" sounds nice. "Someone to pay me for slacking around and shooting him/her in the back" sounds better.
Dweller: That sounds fair. How much?
Ian: How much what?
Dweller: How much moolah do you want?
Ian: Thousand per month.
Dweller: How about Warm & Fuzzy Feeling (tm)?
Ian: The real thing, no fake?
Dweller: Of course. Jan-u-wine Vault-Tec.
Ian: Deal.
Dweller: You're the man I shoulda spoken to before taking on those scorpions. Let's head off, then.
Ian: Where exactly are we going?
Dweller: You're supposed to know that.
Ian: Uhh... What about Necropolis?
Dweller: What's there to do there?
Ian: Ghouls live there... we can roast some.
Dweller: Uh, nope.
Ian: Pretty please?
Dweller: The midget in that basement spoke of a place he called "The Hub" - would you happen to know what it is?
Ian: That's a big city down south. Lotsa quests there.
Dweller: Sounds like a good idea. Let's go!


To Be Continued...
========================================
User avatar
Sir_Funkalot
Wanderer
Wanderer
Posts: 463
Joined: Thu Apr 18, 2002 12:47 pm
Location: Sweden... sweden... Suede... yup, me be here...
Contact:

Post by Sir_Funkalot »

Hehe... as fun as I remember them from good 'ol Vault13.net :D .
The Fallout California Tour | Currently being re-designed, re-structurated and re-wrote. To be finished...
User avatar
Sykotik
Vault Dweller
Vault Dweller
Posts: 117
Joined: Sat May 25, 2002 3:09 am
Location: South Africa

Post by Sykotik »

I share Sir_Funkalot's sentiments :)
Go Slammy! Woop woop!
Tits.
User avatar
DJ Slamák
Vault Elite
Vault Elite
Posts: 393
Joined: Fri Apr 19, 2002 11:17 pm
Location: Prague, Czech Republic
Contact:

Post by DJ Slamák »

Thanks guys!

MISC. CONCEPTS, Pt. I
======================================

------ # Random Lines

Pip-Boy 2000: Your trial period is over! Please register to continue using this software.
Dweller: That wasn't supposed to happen, and you know that!
Writer: Deal with it.

Ian: BLAM, BLAM, BLAM!
Dweller: AAUGH!!! You idiot!!
Ian: One shot in the back, that'll be $50.
Dweller: What the hell?
Ian: We have a deal, remember?

------ # Set

Dweller: Whoa, what happened to all the people here?
Set: Some guy named Harold came here and gave us all lice!!

------ # Power Armor


Dweller: Can I have a power armor, please?
Tech: You can take that one right there, but it won't work.
Dweller: Why not?
Tech: It lacks a jockstrap.
Dweller: A jockstrap?
Tech: A jockstrap.
Dweller: Okay, where could I get one?
Tech: Rhombus has plenty of them. You could snatch some from his quarters when he goes to pick up his pr0n issue.
Dweller: But I am a goody goody.
Tech: Then you should go ask Michael, the storeman. He may have a few in stock.
Dweller: Thanks.

Michael: Why yes, I do have some jockstraps in stock. What colour would you like? We have pink, white, black, red and floyd.
Dweller: Floyd, please.

Michael: No.

------ # Vree

Vree: Take this holodisk. And that one. And that one too.
Dweller: What am I gonna do with it?
Vree: As an Initiate, you get free porn every month.
Dweller: That's, um, cute.
Vree: Of course, your monthly issue of porn expands as you advance in Brotherhood ranks.
Dweller: Eh...
Vree: What, what did you think Rhombus is doing in his back room all the time?

Vree: Oh, and this one.
Dweller: I don't think I can handle that much porn. 'sides, what if Ian snatches some?
Vree: That's not porn, that's a mutant autopsy record.
Dweller: Why are you giving me that?
Event Scripts: No thanks needed.

Dweller: Some interesting stuff, this mutant autopsy...
Vree: You can't understand a word, right?
Dweller: Yes, umm, nope.
Vree: Well basically, it states that thanks to the ill effects of the FEV, the mutants are incapable of reproduction and hence the human race's life expectancy is higher than the mutants', who will most likely extinct after the first generation.
Dweller: Uh, you lost me at "well basically".
Vree: Man, you have to lay off the Buffout before bed time...
Dweller: That's what it means?
Vree: NO! Look, just remember the words "impotent mutants" and "extinct after first generation". There'll be a test later.
Zeke: What a blatant Five-Minute Enterprise rip-off.



Part III will be coming soon.
User avatar
axelgreese
Wandering Hero
Wandering Hero
Posts: 1127
Joined: Thu Apr 18, 2002 3:46 am
Location: Pork Chop Express
Contact:

Post by axelgreese »

Wee!
User avatar
Sykotik
Vault Dweller
Vault Dweller
Posts: 117
Joined: Sat May 25, 2002 3:09 am
Location: South Africa

Post by Sykotik »

paynetothemax wrote:Wee!
Do you need to go the bathroom?
Tits.
User avatar
Bloodgeon11
Vault Scion
Vault Scion
Posts: 182
Joined: Fri Dec 20, 2002 4:32 am
Location: this great country of bombing the crap out of others

Post by Bloodgeon11 »

Remember to use your big-boy words, payne.
"Science fiction wiggers" is my new favorite phrase.

"You'd better be prepared for the jump into hyperspace. It's unpleasantly like being drunk."
-"What's so unpleasant about being drunk?"
"Ask a glass of water."
-Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
User avatar
Megatron
Mamma's Gang member
Mamma's Gang member
Posts: 8030
Joined: Fri Apr 19, 2002 1:00 am
Location: The United Kingdoms

Post by Megatron »

more plz
User avatar
DJ Slamák
Vault Elite
Vault Elite
Posts: 393
Joined: Fri Apr 19, 2002 11:17 pm
Location: Prague, Czech Republic
Contact:

Post by DJ Slamák »

Holy Weebl, I completely forgot about this! :shock:

Anyway, here's chapter 3 - a slice of never before seen cra... material. Enjoy!




PART 3
================================

In the previous part, we saw:
------------------------------
Killian: Okay Gizmo, you're going down.
Vault Dweller: Blam! Blam!

Dweller: Corpse bits?!
Midget: Yeah... Corpse bits... For Bob, to sell.. eat... uh.. BLAM! BLAM!
Dweller: BLAM!
Midget: AUGH!

Dweller: I gotta tell you that I know what you do down there.
Morbid: But then I'll have to take one of your eyes.
Dweller: BLAM! BLAM!

Dweller: Think I've leveled enough to take on the radscorpions?
Writer: I think so. Let's head back to Shady Sands.

Dweller: The midget in that basement spoke of a place he called "The Hub" - would you happen to know what it is?
Ian: That's a big city down south. Lotsa buzz there.
Dweller: Sounds like a good idea. Let's go!



****
And Now...
****


Dweller: Why did the journey take us so long?
Writer: I was distracted by a dev chat.
Dweller: Oh. Who came?
Writer: Chris Taylor and Tim Cain.
Dweller: Doesn't ring a bell.

Ian: This is the caravan outpost, over there are the brahmin pens. I know this place like my own shoes.
Dweller: I have Perception 7. You don't have to tell me that those are brahmin pens.
Ian: I do. It's in my speech file.
Dweller: Can you delete it?
Writer: Nah. That would #&@! up the game.
Dweller: Bummer.

Dweller: What's up in this place?
Police Guy In Metal Armor: We have everything you could possibly want. A Police office, a casino, a person that is decaying alive, a crime boss, some religious zealots, some underground thieves guild that you shouldn't know about, and a blood-thirsty beast in a dungeon that you also shouldn't know about. In fact, even I shouldn't have known about it, so don't tell my boss, get it?
Dweller: Uhm, okay. This town looks like fun.

Kane: Hello. Your reputation is faster than you, and all that mysterious crap.
Dweller: Wow. You said 'crap'.
Kane: So?
Dweller: Do you know this guy?
Ian: Yeah, he's the left hand of the local crime boss.
Dweller: Who's his right hand, then?
Ian: Both of his hands are left.
Dweller: What gives?
Ian: The good mobsters have left for New Reno, so he has to make do with what's left.
Dweller: We should go with him.
Ian: He's an evil character. I don't think it's safe.
Dweller: But he said 'crap'.
Writer: Imagine the poor saps who have the ELV version.
Kane: Are you two freaks coming downstairs or not?
Ian: Don't do it!
Dweller: Why not? It looks cozy down there, maybe it's a brothel.
Ian: Interesting reasoning.

Decker: Welcome. Where are my manners? Have you seen them?
Dweller: No sir, but your assistant said 'cr-
Decker: That was just villain gloating, you should know that.
Dweller: Oh.
Decker: Anyway, we need you to kill a guy called Darren Hightower.
Dweller: What's he done?
Decker: He was, like, really nasty to me.
Dweller: What's he done?
Decker: He was, like, really nasty to me.
Dweller: What's he done?
Decker: He was, like, really nasty to me.
Dweller: What's he done?
Decker: You know, cyclic dialogues are possible, but they're not fun at all.
Dweller: When I say "What's he done?", I mean "What EXACTLY was that nasty thing he did to you?"
Decker: He's bullied me since kindergarten. He used to lock me in his locker and eat my lunch. Then in elementary-
Dweller: Okay, okay... guess the sooner I'm gone, the sooner I can kill the bastard, the sooner the better, right?
Decker: Mmmmmm, yes yes yes yes yes!! Go!

Iguana Bob: IIIIiiiiiguana biiiits!! No fake #&{@@@@@@@@@ts! Jan-U-Wine iiiiiguana biiits!!
Ian: I'll take one.
Bob: Here you go sir, $5.
Ian: Thanks.
Dweller: You know, perhaps you might be willing to pay me tribute.
Bob: And why would that be??
Dweller: Because I know that your food is made of people.
Ian: SPIT! CHOKE!
Bob: I don't know what you're talking about.
Dweller: Yes you do! I know everything about you and Doc Morbid!
Ian: GFFFF!!!
Bob: Could your companion stop choking so loudly? It's driving me nuts.
Dweller: Not unless you give me $350 a month.
Bob: You messed up?
Ian: ACCCKKTH!!
Dweller: So?
Bob: Bah, have it your way... just get him outta here. You didn't tag Speech, did you.
Dweller: Okay Ian, stop choking.
Ian: GFFFGFFFF!!
Dweller: He's also turned deaf! What have you done to him??
Bob: Pfft!
Ian: GFFGFFGFF!!
Dweller: Perhaps if we go over to the next map, he'll stop...

***

Dweller: This place is dark.
Traps: BLAST! FOOM!
Dweller: Ow!! Ian, you dolt!
Ian: You were right! I stopped choking!

Loxley: Vov, hmm, pritty impressiv, gettin froo all de defenses like dat. Votch yur name, luv?
Dweller: Um... 'luv'?
Writer: I've never played with a male character before.
Dweller: I'm, uh... uh... Émile?!
Writer: Deal with it.
Loxley: Mm, good. Now let's moove to anoder part of de formalitiez, shall ve. VOT DE BLOODY, BLOODY, BLOODY...
Émile: Oh great, and I was hoping that there'd only be one town of speech-impaired people in the wasteland.
Loxley: VOT DE BLOODY, BLOODY--
Émile: Do you keep saying that because it's the only thing you can pronounce?
Loxley: Stop interruptin me. Dis is supposed to be one of de best speeches in dis hole game. VOT DE BLOODY, BLOODY...
Ian: ::cough::
Loxley: ...BLOODY HELL IS DIS CAFFIN PUNK DOIN HERE VEN I'M TALKIN?!
Writer: Stop that, man, it's really not funny anymore.
Émile: Okay.
Loxley: I ain't repeatin it agen, tow. Nuh-uh.
Émile: What's with the accent, anyway?
Loxley: A long time ago, I did castin for a TV series called Star Dreck, or sometin, for de role of 'Chekov'. I practiced real hard. I've bin tolkin like dis ever since.
Émile: Did you land the role?
Loxley: No. Anyvay, sins you're here, I'd like to offa you a job.
Émile: What is it?
Loxley: Dis guy called Darren Hightover has an item ve need.
Émile: What kind of item?
Loxley: My Optimus Prime model.
Émile: Um, pardon?
Loxley: He's bullid me since kindergarten--
Émile: Uh, nevermind. Gotta go. Ta-ta!
Loxley: Hey, I'm supposed to say dat!
Émile: Then say it!
Loxley: Thiddidathiddidathiddidathat's all folks!

***

Butch Harris: So what shall it be? Do you join the Unity, or do you die here? Join! Die! Join! Die!
Writer: Mind the script.
Butch: Sorry. ::ahem:: Whatcha want?
Émile: I hear you're a chicken.
Butch: Damn Warez Merchants spreading rumours again! Not to mention that their leader cheats in strip poker.
Émile: So you're not afraid that a big huge orange thing will come to you at night and eat you?
Butch: Er... not at all... why do you ask?
Émile: Your shirt says "Deathclawophobia Support Group."
Butch: Doesn't!
Émile: Does too. What's a deathclaw?
Butch: It's stupid. I'm telling you, don't believe those rumours. There's no cave outside the town where a Deathclaw drags Super Mutants to and eats them.
Émile: One cop said there is.
Butch: Yeah, he never visits the group.
Émile: Say, do you know one Darren Hightower?
Butch: Yeah, he's bullied me since ki--
Émile: I-I gotta go now. Bye, Bitch!
Butch: WHAT?
Writer: My bad.
Ian: What was that he said about strip poker?


Narrator: Will our heroes find out the truth about the Deathclaw? Has Harold bullshitted Darren Hightower since kindergarten? Was this the lamest FLAMFLAMFLAMing parody ever? Will Émile... É.. [incomprehensble laughter] Find out in the next irregular installment of Five-Minute Fallout! Same forum, different time!
User avatar
Sykotik
Vault Dweller
Vault Dweller
Posts: 117
Joined: Sat May 25, 2002 3:09 am
Location: South Africa

wøøt

Post by Sykotik »

Word.
I like pie.
And this fic thing.
MMMPIE
Tits.
User avatar
DJ Slamák
Vault Elite
Vault Elite
Posts: 393
Joined: Fri Apr 19, 2002 11:17 pm
Location: Prague, Czech Republic
Contact:

Post by DJ Slamák »

Maybe I could re-tool some of the still unpublished stuff to include W&B influences.... but it would probably be too obvious, seeing as Weebl and Bob were still far from reality when FMF was written.
No Sould Wanderer
SDF!
SDF!
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Jun 08, 2003 7:15 pm

Post by No Sould Wanderer »

The script-esque style is quite cool actually... do some more!
User avatar
axelgreese
Wandering Hero
Wandering Hero
Posts: 1127
Joined: Thu Apr 18, 2002 3:46 am
Location: Pork Chop Express
Contact:

Post by axelgreese »

Loxely had a german accent?
User avatar
bloodbathmaster2
Vault Elite
Vault Elite
Posts: 366
Joined: Thu Apr 18, 2002 6:29 am
Location: The Outskirts of Insanity

Post by bloodbathmaster2 »

He was supposed to have an English accent, a refrence to Robin of Loxley, aka Robin Hood.
One day...
User avatar
axelgreese
Wandering Hero
Wandering Hero
Posts: 1127
Joined: Thu Apr 18, 2002 3:46 am
Location: Pork Chop Express
Contact:

Post by axelgreese »

bloodbathmaster2 wrote:He was supposed to have an English accent, a refrence to Robin of Loxley, aka Robin Hood.
that's what I was thinking.
Loxley: Vov, hmm, pritty impressiv, gettin froo all de defenses like dat. Votch yur name, luv?
Why does Robin Hood talk like Count Dracula?
User avatar
DJ Slamák
Vault Elite
Vault Elite
Posts: 393
Joined: Fri Apr 19, 2002 11:17 pm
Location: Prague, Czech Republic
Contact:

Post by DJ Slamák »

axelgreese wrote:
Loxley: Vov, hmm, pritty impressiv, gettin froo all de defenses like dat. Votch yur name, luv?
Why does Robin Hood talk like Count Dracula?
Because I suck... really, this was the only way that I was able to codify his speech. Seems I overdid it a little more than they did in the game. :D
The script-esque style is quite cool actually... do some more!
Sorry, no. This is a long-dead horse and I'm just milking its remains for populari...ty... god, that was one baaaaad metaphor.

If you like it and you also like Star Trek, try this. It's what inspired me to do this (there are even references to it in the final chapters).
User avatar
Bloodgeon11
Vault Scion
Vault Scion
Posts: 182
Joined: Fri Dec 20, 2002 4:32 am
Location: this great country of bombing the crap out of others

Post by Bloodgeon11 »

"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with
laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
- Groucho Marx (1895-1977)
"Science fiction wiggers" is my new favorite phrase.

"You'd better be prepared for the jump into hyperspace. It's unpleasantly like being drunk."
-"What's so unpleasant about being drunk?"
"Ask a glass of water."
-Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Our Host!
Post Reply